Little Bug has taken a liking to the front seat of our car and the keys. Last weekend Appa let him play "pretend driver" in our car, and although this was not the first time he has played this game, Little Bug acted like he was some possessed kid on crack. It was so funny and so very odd after a solid 10 minutes of mania.
Since then, Little Bug has M-E-L-T-E-D D-O-W-N every time we go out to the car and his horrible mama forces him into his car seat. The keys in the ignition are basically the cruelest taunt to him, and he wails and signs "please" for at least the first 2 minutes of each car ride.
It's awesome.
Last night, after an afternoon of everything being a little off, I drove the 8 minutes drive home from the big box store with Little Bug yelling (not crying) the whole time about the blasted keys. I even had to use my loud, forceful voice, which I have only ever used a handful of times with him....to no avail other than making me feel worse. When I parked in our driveway and tried to get him out of his car seat instead of giving him the keys (yelling doesn't equal getting privileges, which he knows), he got right in my face and started screaming in my ear...about the stupid keys.
I whipped my head around and formed the words.......
"SHUT UP."
Yes, I was actually going to tell my 2.5-year-old to shut up. Forcefully. Right in his chubby baby face. With the lips that I kiss him goodnight with.
Thankfully, as the first sound began to come out of my mouth, I bit my tongue and took a deep breath. Saying that wouldn't have been appropriate, kind, loving, or a good example....all things I should be as a mother.
Instead, I told him (again) that his behavior was not appropriate, took him inside, and let him wail it out on his own until some stickers caught his eye and the keys were forgotten until this morning.
Even though I didn't actually say it, I felt bad that it even almost happened. What kind of mama tells her child to shut up?
Oh C, I've totally had those moments. And I feel *horrid* after. I actually screamed hush at my child last week while he was strapped into the carseat, screaming at me about the sippy he threw on the floor for the billionth time. In my defense, I was trying to cross a five lane highway from the on ramp to the left hand exit less than a mile and a half away... but I still was racked with guilt. And no, hush was not the first phrase on my lips either...
ReplyDeleteI've had more of those moments than I care to recall and always feel AWFUL afterward.
ReplyDeleteI think that every mom does (or at least that what I tell myself). The whiny/screaming/yelling just gets the best of us sometimes, but its the worst feeling in the world.
i'm just glad to hear i'm not the only one! i've had my fair share of those moments. i always feel terrible afterward. uggh. it's the worst feeling.
ReplyDeleteI've definitely been there, too. I really admire your self-control, though! I probably would have just said that, (or worse) unfortunately. I think it's normal for us mamas to say or do things we wish we could take back...parenting is soooo hard!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I've had those moments too. Some days you just reach your breaking point and you think you could snap.
ReplyDeleteI told our dog, Bear to shut up one day though. It was a stressful day and I was ready to lose my mind. He was driving me crazy and the words flew out of my mouth - I felt sick about the rest of the day. I know he's a dog, but it could have easily been X. Luckily, X didn't hear me say it. I've been working taking 2 deep breaths before I speak when I feel myself ready to lose it.
I'm so relieved to read this post and the comments... I'm not the only one! I've had these moments and I always feel terrible afterwards. Being a parent is so hard.
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