He's Got This

The past week or two has sucked for Little Bug and for us.  His behavior hit a low point, and it took a lot out of us all as we tried to crawl back to balance.  Luckily we managed to isolate a couple of the trigger factors and modifying those things helped Little Bug a ton in being able to regulate himself.  That makes me nearly sob with relief because as hard as it is for us to deal with, you can see the frustration and helplessness in his eyes as he loses control. He hates these periods more than any of us.

But I realized today that one of the factors I hadn't considered was definitely at play; a developmental growth spurt.

Little Bug is a plateau-er in his development.  He takes a long time to build up to a new stage in development, and then sits there for a long time until he just leaps up to the next level.  I can imagine that would take a lot of of a little mind and body.

But last week my son could only get the end letters of the ABCs down, could count to 3 and then again from 7-10, and had only a couple songs that he could sing all the way through on his own.  He could focus long enough to match five colored circles to the five colored squares only with significant help/prodding/forcing.  These feats took him a very long time to achieve, and I was so proud of him.

Tonight he can count to 10 confidently without skipping a number, he can sing the entire ABC song by himself without any help (although he hums through some of the hard-to-pronounce letters, but I know it's in his head), he sang not one, not two, but our entire five song bedtime routine on his own without help (including a song in Korean), and his new favorite game is a color matching folder with 12 colored squares that he rocks the lamination off.

Proud?  Appa and I are practically drunk on it.  I'd have him bow, but he is slumbering peacefully and will be for the next 10 hours because he does that again now, too.

The funny thing about parenting a child with developmental special needs is that although I know I am a part of his development, I can't explain why one day he didn't have it and the next day he does.  There is rarely an "ahhh!" moment when it all just clicks for him.  For nearly a year I have spent a portion of nearly every day working on color matching with him, and it usually ends with me privately freaking out that my 4 year old is never going to be able to match colors.  And then one day, poof, he does it no big deal.  Then again, I suppose that is how most kids develop; his longer times between skills just make it seem like he is developing different than other children, when really he isn't.

He's just marching to the drum beat that works best for his mind.  Which, if it was a red drum on a small laminated square, he would now totally match to the large red square. 

No big.  He's got this.  Just like he will get the next skill and the next skill and the next.

I'm lucky, so very lucky, to get to witness this sort of development.  The lows are low when parenting a child with special needs, but holy heck, the highs are high, high, high.

Comedy

"Wear my socks in the bathtub."

[Cue laugh track]

Three nights ago Little Bug made what I have deemed to be his first official joke.  Sure, he's teased before, but he has never intentionally verbalized something he knew to be nonsensical with the expectation of getting a big reaction.

But 3 nights ago, as he was sitting on the toilet, naked but for his beloved electric green reindeer socks, he looked me in the eye, got this sneaky twisted smirk on his face, and told me he was going to wear his socks in the bathtub.

Of course, I acted MORTIFIED and then laughed and laughed.

And thus began Little Bug's new life as a comedian.

Nearly every hour of every day he gets that same smirk on his face and busts a line.  Because he is a 4-year-old boy, his favorite jokes all have to do with poop and pee pee.  Naturally.

"I pee pee in the bathtub"
"I pee pee in Little Bro's bed."
"I poo poo in Daddy's car."
"I poo poo in my underwear."

Why bother with new material when your routine works?

Every time he looks for it, the big reaction from us.  And we laugh and laugh and laugh, and it is clear that he feels like the smartest, most clever kid around.

I'm not a stand up comedy sort of gal, but I'll buy tickets to this show anytime.

45 Minute Glimpse

Today started badly.  Bad sleep, two grumpy kids and one grumpy mom, and no daddy made for a unhappy morning.  I also decided today would be a good day to force some potty training for both kids.  That lasted about 30 minutes.

I was determined to rally and knew the day was going to go up or down based on how I reacted.  A couple silly songs later, I managed to convince both kids to sit at their kiddie table and busted out the craft box.

Usually this activity can net me some decent interaction time with Little Bro, but has never lasted more than 10 minutes with Little Bug.  In fact, sitting still and focusing on anything for longer than a minute or two is so challenging for Little Bug, it is written into his IEP as a goal.  So craft or art time isn't really a go-to activity when Little Bug is home.

But today, with moderate cueing from me as I sat next to him, he participated in scissor work (or rather, scissor practice), markers, stickers, crayons, and playdoh (without even eating any).  He and his brother happily sat and created and played and giggled and focused.

For 45 minutes.

To me, that is a huge accomplishment.  Never have I seen Little Bug sit and focus for that long, and I certainly didn't feel like he was needing more cueing than he would receive with his aide at his developmental preschool.

Bottom line.  It was a huge win for us.

And that has bolstered me all day, especially considering we had a disastrous nap, and he spent his entire $150-an-hour sensory therapy session refusing to get out of a tub of dried beans, and he had not one, but TWO of his new and very disconcerting "car rages."

Because that 45 minutes gave me a glimpse of what I know will one day be able to be our new normals, and that makes fighting through the rest of today a whole lot easier.

A Timeline for Perfection

2:45 pm: My bestie Ali(ce) is able to get online for the first time in a week, and we chat about my upcoming visit. I missed her.

3 pm: I begin to read about practical ways busy parents can build "sensory diets" for children with sensory processing issues....I have an "aHA" moment and feel recommitted and hopeful.

4:30 pm: Little Bug's PT tells me out of the blue she is putting in an order for arch support and graduating Little Bug from his bulky, cumbersome leg braces. We talk at length about foot muscles and how my kid is rocking them. Hello, totally unexpected and awesome upcoming quality-of-life upgrade!

5 pm: I call my mom because Appa is on a plane. I literally MUST tell someone this news. She is thrilled.

5:30 pm: I actually "cook" dinner at home. I pat myself on the back for being such a "with it" mama.

6 pm: Little Bug decides today would be a good day to walk up the stairs by himself (while holding onto the railing and shocking his mother speechless). We practice approx. 10 times with mama spotting, but not needing to actually help.

6:02 pm: We determine going down stairs is best saved for another day.

6:15-7:30 pm: Little Bug and I have such fun doing simple sensory activities like diving onto piles of pillows and racing our kitchen chairs around.

8:30 pm: A slumbering Little Bug wakes up when I leave his room to greet Appa home from his week long travels. Little Bug patters to the door, opens it, and is met with his beloved dada--his calm, joyful, content, surprised smile at seeing Appa standing at the door will forever be seared into my brain. Click.

8:35 pm: I open my e-mail to find one of the nicest love letters from my husband. Ever.

9:30 pm: My husband makes me Ramen because I forgot to eat dinner. I whisper "fighting!" and he looks at me like I am nuts. Wine is my friend.

9:50 pm: We fall asleep cuddling on the couch.

Childhood P&P 101

Little Bug must have recently gotten hold of a Policy and Procedures book on Childhood because he's suddenly gotten wise to a major childhood rule, namely

Avoid falling peacefully to sleep at all costs.

If you don't count all the bad nights of teething and growth spurts and illness (and I don't because I've mentally repressed most of them), Little Bug is a pretty easy going sleeper. He needs his routine, but when followed, he had always been a pretty willing participant.

Until now.

Suddenly the prospect of night night make Little Bug turn into the manic clown/demon/charmer. Sometimes he will just cry and throw a fit. Sometimes he will play coy and beg for us to lay with him, only to try to distract us from our lullabies with kisses and silly smiles. Sometimes he begs for another book, signing "read" while pointing pathetically to his book case. Sometimes he wants to play with his monkey from Korea (who is completely neglected any other time). Sometimes he will ask for another drink or Appa (or me if Appa is putting him down). Sometimes he insists on having the wooden engine and caboose of a decorative "choo choo" in bed with him, which he lazily rolls over his tummy while eyeballing it (and me) from the side.

It's gotten to the point where we've started placing bets on what stall tactic he will employ. Whether he'll opt for the flat out naked run from the bathroom to another room to hide or whether he'll bravely go into this own room, hop on his bed, and try his hand at the charm.

Sure, it adds 20-30 minutes to our nighttime routine, but it is secretly hilarious to watch this little tiny baby morph instinctively into a broody, manipulative, adorable, stubborn child.

5 Things I Love About Today

1. Love Little Bug's routine JOY at watching the garage door close, and how he always grabs my face to make sure I am looking, too. Every single day. I love the routines of a toddler.
   
2. Loved that I tracked my I-600a to Texas. It's being processed (hopefully), and I should get that super fun confirmation letter soon. Those letters are always so official looking. Love anything with shiny ink on it.
3. Love all the comments on my "I'm Pregnant" post. The intent was to not fake people out (I promise), but I love the fact that so many of you expressed worry, not relief at my Post Title Pregnancy Scare. It's nice to be surrounded by people who "get" what that would mean for our family. Not going to lie, it's also freaking awesome that a human will not be shoving their heels into my ribs--ever.
4. Loved being productive at work. This whole not drinking pop thing has made a huge different for me. It's almost criminal how bad pop was making me feel, and I never knew any different.
5. Loved this new game Little Bug loves to play. I nuzzle my nose into the side of his neck and belly laugh really hard, which in turn makes him laugh. He will seek me out and nuzzle the side of his neck into my face to get me to play it with him. My baby seeking cuddles--yes, please!

Games We Play

Little Bug has a game he loves to play with Appa and I. We don't have a name for it, but maybe we should make one. We play this game at least two or three times each day.

Little Bug loves to be picked up and held. He's going through a phase where this is his preferred mode of stasis. Usually when one of us is holding him while standing up, the other one will come and start kissing on him. Our son is not lacking smooches, that is for sure.

Lately he has started reaching for one of us, letting us grab him and hold him, and then immediately reaching back for the other one, letting that parent grab him and hold him, repeat, repeat, repeat.................

The game gets going very quickly where he is barely in our arms before wanting to go back to the other. The three of us end up standing very close to each other, like a hug without the embrace. Unlike most games, he does not squeal with delight; rather, he just gets the cutest smile on his face and clearly enjoys himself.

It's okay though. Appa and I laugh plenty for all three of us.