For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mom. For almost as long, I've wanted to be a teacher. That is, until I realized about 8 years ago that I wanted to be an editor instead. It was there, amidst the red pencils and stacks of papers and colorful track changes that I found a career that I loved. Most people work because they need to, but I have been blessed to be able to work because I wanted to.
Last night I quit my job.
Being a working mother is all about sacrifice. For me, choosing to work has meant sacrificing time I wanted to spend with Little Bug and Little Bro, even though I believe their current school is critical for their social development. If I stayed home, I would be sacrificing a career for which I have worked hard laying a solid foundation.
Either way, I sacrifice something I love. And I came to realize if I was going to sacrifice one of them, it shouldn't be my babies.
The precise reasons for my decision don't need to be hashed out, but the decision was both hard and easy all at once. Making the right decision is easy...making the decision that comes with heartache is hard. But my kids will benefit from me being home, especially Little Bro. And that is what matters most.
Unlike every other time I have ever considered quitting my job, I feel a great sense of peace about my decision. I don't get all panicky when I think about it, and in fact I am pretty excited to get more invested in my home care and feeding my family nutritious, home-cooked food. I'm still in the "figuring it out" phase (truly, I'm taking a long time getting a good groove down in the housework department), but even on the hard days, I still find myself thinking about how lucky I am to have this chance to focus on my children, my home, and my husband. NOT because I don't think I deserve to be a priority too, but because I've been stretched so thin in the last year that I haven't been able to give as much to the people and things that mean most to me. It makes me happy to have my overworked husband come home to a clean house, it makes me happy to see my kids eating real food made with ingredients I can pronounce, and it makes me happy simply to be in a clean house, connected with my kids.
Editing stuff made me happy. Scratch that....editing stuff does make me happy. But it turns out that, at least right now, being a domestic goddess (although a rebel one who is NEVER going to have a bow in her hair when the hubs comes home and who will likely always struggle with cooking and cleaning) is what makes me happiest right now.