From Bother to Brother

A year ago, perhaps even 6 months ago, I would have admitted that my two sons simply were not the best of friends.  They never seemed to enjoy each others company in the way you would imagine two brothers would.  They didn't seem to be on the same wavelength, like the same things, or simply need each other.  My sister and I never got along growing up (and I mean we truly did.not.get.along.), and I pretty much chalked this one up to karma and hoped they would connect in their 20s like my sister and I did (who I now talk to every day on the phone).

But slowly, things have changed.  And the lucky part is I didn't have to wait another 15+ years!

I can't point to a moment, but slowly they started sharing interests, learning how to play together as a team, and enjoying the jokes and extra set of hands and decibels the other could provide.  I chalk some of this up to the miracle months Little Bug had where his medication was making social strides explode for him while Little Bro was getting some much needed humble pie at preschool.  They just clicked. 

Now there are moments where Appa and I will be in the kitchen while we listen to the sounds of laughter and imaginative play from the other room.  We just smile at each other in awe because we both wanted this so badly for our children and really thought it wasn't going to happen the way it has.  It's one of my favorite things about having two boys now, and it makes the anticipation for our Little Moon so much more delicious as I imagine him being so welcomed and loved by his united front of brothers.

And I am so grateful we had these moments bloom when they did.  Little Bug is having some really serious and new behavioral challenges due to us not being able to find the right medication for him after the terrible tics in November forced us to take him off his otherwise awesome meds.  These behaviors have made being friendly (or physically close) to Little Bug very hard and most of his friends have learned to steer clear.

But not his little brother.  Despite all that, Little Bro still sees Little Bug as his fun, always up for their favorite games, big brother.  Their relationship, unlike the others in Little Bug's life, isn't based on friendship, but on brotherhood.

And you don't give up on your brother.

I don't believe in fate, especially in adoption, but I do believe that love and family makes us grow into the right people for each other.  And I've watched these two little souls mold each other into better, more loving, and stronger individuals. They are better people because of each other, and together, they are a force to be reckoned with.

That makes me so happy.

New Teef

My 3 year old likes to ask random strangers if they like his new teeth.  He got a bridge recently to replace his missing front four teeth, and after a day of refusing to believe a reality existed where his tongue was so trapped, he fell in love with his new pearly whites and their magical ability to bite food in half.

He's still missing two teeth on the bottom, mind you, so he's still got his playground cred if anyone gets too close to his toys.  He regularly confirms that the dentist won't give him anymore teeth as he lovingly caresses his phantom bottom teeth.

My life is weird sometimes.

Support Group Feels

Tonight I went out of my comfort zone (both socially and temperature wise....BURRR) and went to a support group for parents of children with special needs put on by one of Little Bug's private therapy clinics.  I didn't particularly want to go because it seemed like a real downer of an evening to sit in a circle while everyone cried about how hard it is to have a special needs child.  I'd rather just have a pity party on my couch with a glass of wine and reruns of Once Upon a Time while willing time to stop until morning.

But my resolution word for the year is "move" and one of my biggest goals is to make friends with people in my immediate area who understand what it is like to wade through IEPs and schedule life around therapies and how awesome the little victories can be.  I've been realizing that while I can do this whole special needs mama gig on my own island, I don't NEED to.  I can find and build a support system.  But it won't come to me.  I will have to build it myself.

So I put on my favorite warm boots and off I went to to what I thought was a glorified special needs parenting speed dating session.

Turns out, it was just too cold for people to get off their bums, and me and one other mom ended up outnumbered by therapists and counselors and cookies.

But that hour long session went almost 2 hours as the five of us had a refreshing disucssion about the challenges of raising a child with special needs, the blessings that come with raising a child with special needs, and how we could take this "support group" and turn it into something so much more than a circle of wah.  We brainstormed topics to have the clinic bring in experts for educational sessions before the support group portion of the night.  We shared tips and resources.  We exchanged numbers and talked diagnoses and IEPs and yoga and our secret hatred of bath time.  We ate cookies.

I left feeling somehow refreshed, recharged, and yes, supported.  And I'll brave the cold next month to go back again.

Toasty Warm Feelings

Dear Little Moon,

For 3 months now, I've been consumed with the idea of being yours.  You've lost so many times already in your life, and although some of those losses you might not feel now, they have spurred me on even wilder to finally, officially make us the family you can claim as yours.

Even more than I want to claim you, I want you to be able to claim us.  I want the people who care about you (and there are so many) to feel secure knowing that you have a Mommy, Daddy, and two brothers who are committed to you, no matter what. I want them to know that 5 years from now, you'll have someone to tuck you in at night and make you feel like the most special child in the world. That is what has kept me up at night, the worry that we might not be real, that we might be just another fleeting potential path in your life.

I can wait a year for you.  I can spend crazy sums of money to send piles of papers to anyone who needs them.  I can live off blurry pictures. I can shove love into gallon ziplock bags a month at a time. I can schedule my life out a month at a time, rather than a season. I'm happy, honored even, to be able to do that for the chance to be your Mom.

What I found I couldn't deal with was not being connected to you "officially."  I need my name next to yours.  And now that it finally is, I'm finding that is enough for me, for now.

And on the day when those papers making us yours were finally stamped official, you were in an office half a world away, posing for pictures that, for the first time, everyone knew for sure were for your parents.

I want to know what the giggle that accompanies your trademark grin sounds life.  I want to smooth back your wispy hair and count your little fingers, one by one.  I want to hug you and tell you that this time, it's for real.

I'm also terrified for the day when I get to do that, but that's for a different note.  Today I'm just happy that we're connected and that you're warm and happy.

That's enough for me.