This morning I had a wonderful dream. I don't know what it was about, but as I came out of it I was feeling warm and happy.
Then I felt the hot weight of my son's head pressed against my body, slumbering peacefully next to me.
I vaguely recall how he got in our bed, but it was the best wake-up surprise. Cuddling next to my sleeping child is one of my favorite things in the entire world and my day just can't go wrong when I start out with something that great.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Bravery
Ever since I became a mother, I've found myself changing and growing in significant ways. Among many changes, I've found myself becoming more brave. Not brave as in jumping out of a plane (which I would do, but only because I hate planes and would be more afraid to stay inside one), but brave emotionally. Having someone's health, happiness, safety, emotional wellbeing, and morality entrusted to little 'ole you makes someone shape up…fast. In the 18+ months Little Bug has been in our home, I've found myself becoming more and more brave with my emotions and dreams. Things that seemed out of the realm of possibility a few years back seem almost normal now.
That's a good thing.
This subtle bravery has helped me in my career. I'm going for things now, more than ever. I'm seeking new knowledge and skills and am not afraid to stand up for myself. Doors are opening and I'm walking through confident that I will have the support at home and at work.
Even more important, I'm becoming braver with my emotions. I'm opening myself up to sometimes scary or uncertain possibilities in the hope of something truly great. If I had been told 2 years ago that I would be the mother of a child with special needs, I would have been terrified…seriously crippled with fear and doubt. Now, I'm not only confident in my ability to parent and advocate for my child, but can see Appa and I maybe doing it again. Every kid is different, so it's much more about being brave enough to face a new unknown than it is an inner confidence. Heck, weeks after Little Bug came home, I wasn't sure I could be a mother, period. Now my mind is filled with thoughts of two or three kids filling my home. Emotionally, I am shocked at how brave I feel now when faced with the need to trust things and processes out of my control. It's pretty empowering to be able to talk yourself off that cliff of anxiety.
Speaking of two or three kids or children with special needs or trusting a process that has no defined end, bravery is the ability to be scared out of your freaking mind and still press forward with the things that you know in your heart, if not your mind, are right. Bravery is opening yourself up to being hurt and disappointed. Bravery is following your gut when you have no other reason. Bravery is readjusting expectations and plans and letting go. Bravery is holding on when you don't want to. Bravery is patience.
Life is exhilarating when lived bravely.
That's a good thing.
This subtle bravery has helped me in my career. I'm going for things now, more than ever. I'm seeking new knowledge and skills and am not afraid to stand up for myself. Doors are opening and I'm walking through confident that I will have the support at home and at work.
Even more important, I'm becoming braver with my emotions. I'm opening myself up to sometimes scary or uncertain possibilities in the hope of something truly great. If I had been told 2 years ago that I would be the mother of a child with special needs, I would have been terrified…seriously crippled with fear and doubt. Now, I'm not only confident in my ability to parent and advocate for my child, but can see Appa and I maybe doing it again. Every kid is different, so it's much more about being brave enough to face a new unknown than it is an inner confidence. Heck, weeks after Little Bug came home, I wasn't sure I could be a mother, period. Now my mind is filled with thoughts of two or three kids filling my home. Emotionally, I am shocked at how brave I feel now when faced with the need to trust things and processes out of my control. It's pretty empowering to be able to talk yourself off that cliff of anxiety.
Speaking of two or three kids or children with special needs or trusting a process that has no defined end, bravery is the ability to be scared out of your freaking mind and still press forward with the things that you know in your heart, if not your mind, are right. Bravery is opening yourself up to being hurt and disappointed. Bravery is following your gut when you have no other reason. Bravery is readjusting expectations and plans and letting go. Bravery is holding on when you don't want to. Bravery is patience.
Life is exhilarating when lived bravely.
Monday, March 29, 2010
You Learn Something New Every Day
Yesterday Little Bug learned something new.
Ever since he learned how to clap with flat hands (which was an accomplishment in itself), he has quietly, if not enthusiastically, clapped for many things: food, my singing (what a angel), favorite shows, using a fork, and doing something naughty like turning off the TV when he knows he shouldn't.
It's a common occurrence in our house, so there was nothing special about yesterday when he was standing between my knees, clapping about something.
clap, clap, CLAP.
Gasp. The hands made a sound. A loud, satisfying smacking sound. Little Bug looked up at me with a mixture of wonder and confusion.
clap, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP.
If I could only capture the excitement on his face as he realized he could make this new, loud sound on command....it was like, for just one moment, his world was rocked as he discovered something new and fun that will change the way he does something for the rest of his life (even something so insignificant).
Definitely worth clapping about.
Ever since he learned how to clap with flat hands (which was an accomplishment in itself), he has quietly, if not enthusiastically, clapped for many things: food, my singing (what a angel), favorite shows, using a fork, and doing something naughty like turning off the TV when he knows he shouldn't.
It's a common occurrence in our house, so there was nothing special about yesterday when he was standing between my knees, clapping about something.
clap, clap, CLAP.
Gasp. The hands made a sound. A loud, satisfying smacking sound. Little Bug looked up at me with a mixture of wonder and confusion.
clap, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP.
If I could only capture the excitement on his face as he realized he could make this new, loud sound on command....it was like, for just one moment, his world was rocked as he discovered something new and fun that will change the way he does something for the rest of his life (even something so insignificant).
Definitely worth clapping about.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
This Mama Needs A Hobby
It has become apparent to me recently that I need a hobby…preferably a constructive one that does not involve the computer (or any of the tracking lists, blogs, bulletin boards, online groups, etc. that come with it).
The problem is I am essentially a bookish sort of girl who is happiest curled up with a book or my computer. Sure, I love to go out and be active, explore things, etc., but those really aren't things I can translate into a daily hobby I can use to take my mind off of what is looking to be an emotionally draining couple of months where I will need to be keeping busy and sane.
I enlisted my BFF Ali(ce)'s help in coming up with a hobby for me. She knows me really well (partly because she is like 85% the same person). Her response, "This is a little tricky since we are not super crafty people." She's right; I have no patience for anything creative (other than Blurb, which is off limits as it is a computer-related hobby). This means things like sewing, kitting, scrapbooking, quilting, and anything else like that is off the table.
I considered exploring cooking, but the reality of my working mom status is that cooking a creative or fun meal is just not really a daily option. I considered redecorating my house, but the only room I really need to redecorate is Little Bug's new room, and I'll be honest, that's not where my head needs to be right now. Plus, any other room would just be me spending money on more decorations. I don't think Appa would really get behind that sort of hobby. I don't draw, or paint, or even have an idea how to repurpose things for artistic purposes.
We finally came up with something that would be useful and something I could be successful with some time and effort.
I'm going to landscape our yard.
For me, this will be a major undertaking. I hate to garden. Hate it. The previous owners planted all these fancy flowers and plants that bloom throughout the year and I hate them because the way they are planted leaves room for tons of weeds (not to mention I think some of them look like weeds). I like boring, traditional, symmetrical looking landscaping…they liked cracked-out abstract not-sure-if-that-was-an-accident-or-not landscaping. It's going to be a challenge, and that is exactly what I need.
My plan of attack is to spend time right now researching how to garden, what types of plants and flowers and planters I would like to use, and planning out my planting. Once it gets warmer and lighter, I will be able to work on this project after Little Bug goes down for bed.
I'll need to get an outdoor wine glass...
So, if anyone has tips on gardening, ripping out expensive flowers, various types of low-maintenance plants and ground cover, send them my way.
Operation
Exchange Vegetation And Negativity
has officially began.
The problem is I am essentially a bookish sort of girl who is happiest curled up with a book or my computer. Sure, I love to go out and be active, explore things, etc., but those really aren't things I can translate into a daily hobby I can use to take my mind off of what is looking to be an emotionally draining couple of months where I will need to be keeping busy and sane.
I enlisted my BFF Ali(ce)'s help in coming up with a hobby for me. She knows me really well (partly because she is like 85% the same person). Her response, "This is a little tricky since we are not super crafty people." She's right; I have no patience for anything creative (other than Blurb, which is off limits as it is a computer-related hobby). This means things like sewing, kitting, scrapbooking, quilting, and anything else like that is off the table.
I considered exploring cooking, but the reality of my working mom status is that cooking a creative or fun meal is just not really a daily option. I considered redecorating my house, but the only room I really need to redecorate is Little Bug's new room, and I'll be honest, that's not where my head needs to be right now. Plus, any other room would just be me spending money on more decorations. I don't think Appa would really get behind that sort of hobby. I don't draw, or paint, or even have an idea how to repurpose things for artistic purposes.
We finally came up with something that would be useful and something I could be successful with some time and effort.
I'm going to landscape our yard.
For me, this will be a major undertaking. I hate to garden. Hate it. The previous owners planted all these fancy flowers and plants that bloom throughout the year and I hate them because the way they are planted leaves room for tons of weeds (not to mention I think some of them look like weeds). I like boring, traditional, symmetrical looking landscaping…they liked cracked-out abstract not-sure-if-that-was-an-accident-or-not landscaping. It's going to be a challenge, and that is exactly what I need.
My plan of attack is to spend time right now researching how to garden, what types of plants and flowers and planters I would like to use, and planning out my planting. Once it gets warmer and lighter, I will be able to work on this project after Little Bug goes down for bed.
I'll need to get an outdoor wine glass...
So, if anyone has tips on gardening, ripping out expensive flowers, various types of low-maintenance plants and ground cover, send them my way.
Operation
Exchange Vegetation And Negativity
has officially began.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
11:11
I don't wish upon a star. I don't cringe when I see a black cat cross my path. I've stepped joyfully on many a crack and my mother's back has never once broke.But ever since I was young, when I see 11:11 on a clock, I compulsively, passionately, ALWAYS pause and make a wish. Lately, I've been seeing it a lot, sometimes even twice a day.
Is it because I have a fervent wish right now that I am subconsciously drawn to the clock at that moment?
Nah, it's probably just the moment my tummy has become accustom to starting the lunch countdown.
But it can't hurt, right?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Why I am Obsessed With LMH and Other Justifications
In the last month I have found myself harboring a bit of an obsession with Korean dramas. On the expert recommendation of another adoptive mama, I started watching a very popular drama (subtitled, of course) and 25 hours over the span of 4 sick days later, I was hooked. I'm almost finished with my second one, have a list of dramas to chose from next, and am anxiously waiting (along with the rest of Korea) a new drama that will premiere next week....no idea when it will actually get subbed and put online for me though.
Appa thinks, among other things, that I am being a "poser;" essentially trying to like something Korean for the sake of it being Korean.
That is both true and untrue.
I've always loved foreign films; I own subtitled movies in Spanish and French. So in that respect, no, it's not out of the norm for me to enjoy this sort of thing.
However, would I have sought out dramas from other cultures on a whim in the first place? Probably not. I've got plenty of the OTH and LU and GG here to keep me entertained. I sought out Korean dramas because my son was born in Korea, and the dramas are a great way to see the minutia of his birth culture; the food, the slang, the way they hang out, the family dynamics. (Although I do understand that most families dynamics do not consist of ultra wealthy families with villainous mothers and sons who wear fur-trimmed trench coats and zip off for vacations on private jets with their perfectly permed hair, which is sort of a shame.)
The thing is, I might have sought the first one out because it was Korean, but now I am hooked because they are entertaining. I like hearing Korean and seeing all the different cultural nuances, but most importantly, I like the stories. Just like my American dramas, I am hooked on the characters and the plot. The way they use the lid of the pot to eat ramen or yelling "fighting" with fists raised when they are pumping someone up is not what keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning watching.....
As I watch more and more dramas, I'm starting to get to know some of the actors and actresses. I'm fans of some (like LMH) and not fans of others. I read some recap blogs that inadvertently provide valuable insight into what is reality and what is pretty outlandish and overdone in the dramas. I'm getting to know the different types of Korean shows and how they are cast, filmed, and viewed. It's opened up another facet of Korean culture I might never have known about.
How will this help my son? Oh, it probably won't. When Little Bug starts to learn about Korean culture, we probably won't lead with the shooting schedule of a 25 episode Korean drama.
This is all for me, and I won't even attempt to pretend this is for my son or for my exploration of Korean culture anymore. I'm just a fan girl who gets some side benefits out of her newest guilty pleasure.
But if Little Bug ever wants a hair style suggestion, I'm one click away from providing him with a most excellent and swoon-worthy hair style that looks great on a Korean man.....
Appa thinks, among other things, that I am being a "poser;" essentially trying to like something Korean for the sake of it being Korean.
That is both true and untrue.
I've always loved foreign films; I own subtitled movies in Spanish and French. So in that respect, no, it's not out of the norm for me to enjoy this sort of thing.
However, would I have sought out dramas from other cultures on a whim in the first place? Probably not. I've got plenty of the OTH and LU and GG here to keep me entertained. I sought out Korean dramas because my son was born in Korea, and the dramas are a great way to see the minutia of his birth culture; the food, the slang, the way they hang out, the family dynamics. (Although I do understand that most families dynamics do not consist of ultra wealthy families with villainous mothers and sons who wear fur-trimmed trench coats and zip off for vacations on private jets with their perfectly permed hair, which is sort of a shame.)
The thing is, I might have sought the first one out because it was Korean, but now I am hooked because they are entertaining. I like hearing Korean and seeing all the different cultural nuances, but most importantly, I like the stories. Just like my American dramas, I am hooked on the characters and the plot. The way they use the lid of the pot to eat ramen or yelling "fighting" with fists raised when they are pumping someone up is not what keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning watching.....
As I watch more and more dramas, I'm starting to get to know some of the actors and actresses. I'm fans of some (like LMH) and not fans of others. I read some recap blogs that inadvertently provide valuable insight into what is reality and what is pretty outlandish and overdone in the dramas. I'm getting to know the different types of Korean shows and how they are cast, filmed, and viewed. It's opened up another facet of Korean culture I might never have known about.
How will this help my son? Oh, it probably won't. When Little Bug starts to learn about Korean culture, we probably won't lead with the shooting schedule of a 25 episode Korean drama.
This is all for me, and I won't even attempt to pretend this is for my son or for my exploration of Korean culture anymore. I'm just a fan girl who gets some side benefits out of her newest guilty pleasure.
But if Little Bug ever wants a hair style suggestion, I'm one click away from providing him with a most excellent and swoon-worthy hair style that looks great on a Korean man.....
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Penny for His Thoughts
I'm dying to know what is going on inside Little Bug's head. I've always wondered what Little Bug might be thinking or dreaming about (especially when he was little and would laugh or cry in his sleep), but now I KNOW there is something interesting going on in my kid's brain...and I want in.
Lately Little Bug has taken to talking in his sleep (he takes after his mama, who has been know, no joke, to sleep walk into another room and ask her parents to "take me to your leader" or murmur to her husband in her sleep that "all I ever want to do is own a kitchen sink with you"...romantic, I know). He usually say "no" or "dada" or "mama" in his sleep, but we've also heard him say "choo choo," "Elmo," and "banana" a few times. He laughs occasionally in his sleep, too. According to some quick online research, age 2 is when kids start to dream about their daily lives with an imaginative spin. Is Little Bug dreaming about riding a choo choo shaped like a banana with Appa, Elmo, and I? I kinda hope so.
Even more than dreaming, I'm dying to be able to communicate more with Little Bug. Ever since our awful night routine ended and things evened out, Little Bug has added one new segment. After the lights are out and the nightlight is on and he is cuddled in my arms in the rocking chair, he will sit up and start saying things...things about his day. For example, last night's "conversation" went like this:
"Choo choo" with the sign for play. (We bought him a new train set yesterday.)
"Tent....in." (He played in his tent yesterday.)
"Dinner. Bib....on." (He calls all meals "dinner" and he is obsessed with putting on his bibs, which he actually calls "Bob.")
"Dada" with the sign for play.
"Fishies, on." (His fish music player was playing softly in the background.)
The whole time he was making eye contact with me and very deliberately telling me what I can only surmise was a run down on his day. Then he said "Mama," touched my face, and put his thumb in his mouth and was ready to go to sleep.
I know Little Bug won't always want to end his days by giving his mama a play-by-play, but until that day comes, I'm going to enjoy every little glimpse of his thoughts that he wants to share with me.
Lately Little Bug has taken to talking in his sleep (he takes after his mama, who has been know, no joke, to sleep walk into another room and ask her parents to "take me to your leader" or murmur to her husband in her sleep that "all I ever want to do is own a kitchen sink with you"...romantic, I know). He usually say "no" or "dada" or "mama" in his sleep, but we've also heard him say "choo choo," "Elmo," and "banana" a few times. He laughs occasionally in his sleep, too. According to some quick online research, age 2 is when kids start to dream about their daily lives with an imaginative spin. Is Little Bug dreaming about riding a choo choo shaped like a banana with Appa, Elmo, and I? I kinda hope so.
Even more than dreaming, I'm dying to be able to communicate more with Little Bug. Ever since our awful night routine ended and things evened out, Little Bug has added one new segment. After the lights are out and the nightlight is on and he is cuddled in my arms in the rocking chair, he will sit up and start saying things...things about his day. For example, last night's "conversation" went like this:
"Choo choo" with the sign for play. (We bought him a new train set yesterday.)
"Tent....in." (He played in his tent yesterday.)
"Dinner. Bib....on." (He calls all meals "dinner" and he is obsessed with putting on his bibs, which he actually calls "Bob.")
"Dada" with the sign for play.
"Fishies, on." (His fish music player was playing softly in the background.)
The whole time he was making eye contact with me and very deliberately telling me what I can only surmise was a run down on his day. Then he said "Mama," touched my face, and put his thumb in his mouth and was ready to go to sleep.
I know Little Bug won't always want to end his days by giving his mama a play-by-play, but until that day comes, I'm going to enjoy every little glimpse of his thoughts that he wants to share with me.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Oh, Irony
I wrote a post today essentially complaining about various menial things that were making me blue.
Then I read a post on a bulletin board and thought, "wow, this lady is just listing off random little things to complain about....probably because she is in a bad mood. She needs to stop and listen to herself."
Oh, giggle.
So I deleted my post, pulled up my big girl pants, and had a little laugh at myself. I'm still in a blue mood, but I'm not going to be that woman.
Happy Friday.
Then I read a post on a bulletin board and thought, "wow, this lady is just listing off random little things to complain about....probably because she is in a bad mood. She needs to stop and listen to herself."
Oh, giggle.
So I deleted my post, pulled up my big girl pants, and had a little laugh at myself. I'm still in a blue mood, but I'm not going to be that woman.
Happy Friday.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Angel Baby
Last night was charmed in my home. I went out for a cocktail with a friend, picked a happy Little Bug up from school, had an uneventful dinner where Little Bug ate a good amount of food without throwing it on the ground, and then we went outside until it was time for bed. Hearing the squeals of delight and laughter and watching Little Bug practice his mall walking skills was balm to my frazzled soul. Oh, and speaking of bedtime, he cuddled right into me and slept like a rock, especially when I transferred him to his bed 10 minutes later. Appa and I got to cuddle and watch LOST together like an actual married couple and our kid had to be woken up this morning.
No tantrums. Not a one. No sleep issues. Not a one.
I'm not worried about jinxing myself because I still have 8+ months of the blasted 2s, but for one night, it was perfect. And we needed it.
In my mind, this was the end of The Great Hell Week 2010. Sure, I expect we will still see the normal fits, but I think he's past through his growth spurt pains for now, and we can get back to enjoying our charmed life with our angel baby.
No tantrums. Not a one. No sleep issues. Not a one.
I'm not worried about jinxing myself because I still have 8+ months of the blasted 2s, but for one night, it was perfect. And we needed it.
In my mind, this was the end of The Great Hell Week 2010. Sure, I expect we will still see the normal fits, but I think he's past through his growth spurt pains for now, and we can get back to enjoying our charmed life with our angel baby.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Vindicated, But Not Happy About It
Let's be clear. I don't like it when my child or my husband is distressed.
But I also don't like it when my husband thinks I might be over-exaggerating the extent of Little Bug and my struggles with "night night" time last week.
When Little Bug freaked out as Appa tried to rock him last night (usually a very special and calm time for us), there was a small part of me that was satisfied that he would see what I was talking about.
One hour later, I took pity on them both and tagged in.
Two hours later, Appa had to tag back in.
Three hours later, I tagged back in. By this point, any satisfaction I had felt was replaced with a draining fatigue and frustration. It's not like Little Bug was having a great time, either. He would sleep on us, but would immediately wake up in hysterics if we attempted to move him to his crib.
I'm not really sure how I did it, but about 3.5 hours after his normal bedtime, Little Bug was slumbering peacefully in his crib.
I was vindicated, but instead of satisfaction, I just felt bad for us all. Hopefully this phase passes soon, just like they all do.
But I also don't like it when my husband thinks I might be over-exaggerating the extent of Little Bug and my struggles with "night night" time last week.
When Little Bug freaked out as Appa tried to rock him last night (usually a very special and calm time for us), there was a small part of me that was satisfied that he would see what I was talking about.
One hour later, I took pity on them both and tagged in.
Two hours later, Appa had to tag back in.
Three hours later, I tagged back in. By this point, any satisfaction I had felt was replaced with a draining fatigue and frustration. It's not like Little Bug was having a great time, either. He would sleep on us, but would immediately wake up in hysterics if we attempted to move him to his crib.
I'm not really sure how I did it, but about 3.5 hours after his normal bedtime, Little Bug was slumbering peacefully in his crib.
I was vindicated, but instead of satisfaction, I just felt bad for us all. Hopefully this phase passes soon, just like they all do.
Monday, March 15, 2010
"Just the Two of Us" is Not My Favorite Song
Oy, baby. Mama feels the same way.This week has been a rough week for me fatigue-wise because of my virus. I've been super busy at work and just really burning at both ends. Friday I had my first Red Bull in 8 years...longer if you consider there was no vodka in it. It made me feel like I was on some great drug. I need to stay far away from that stuff going forward.
This week Little Bug started going through one heck of a growth spurt that significantly altered his mood (which is already manic as hell because he is 2), his eating (no 2-year-old should pack in 3 eggs, fruit, and cheese and ask for a 4th egg one breakfast and then toss the next morning's breakfast all over the floor in total disinterest), and his sleeping habits (switching from a good, deep sleeper to a drop of a hat light sleeper, can't be transferred from my arms to his bed, must sleep with me or won't sleep at all). He started throwing things, hitting, scratching, and biting. He has, at last count, 7 bruises and two cuts on his head from his midnight tantrums.
This week Appa was gone...ALL week. Granted, Appa travels almost weekly, but he has been on a local project since we hit "the 2s," and when he does travel, he is only gone for a few days during the week, not on the weekends.
I am proud to say that Little Bug and I made it to school and work mostly on time. We enjoyed some fun activities in the evenings and this weekend. My house is no worse than it was last week. I only ate one bag of jelly beans and 3 Cadbury Eggs. I did very much enjoy being with my son.
But it's been HARD.
I cannot imagine being a single parent (although I understand that my 6 days without my husband is really not anything compared to raising a child alone). I know some single parents, and although I might have admired them before, I am in downright awe of them now. Not only was I physically and emotional drained every day (and it became progressively worse as the week wore on), but by yesterday, I found my patience with Little Bug was down to zero. I wasn't able to take anything on the cuff . Case in point, during a lunchtime time out, he sat and chanted "no, no, no" while waving his finger at me. Yeah, he didn't learn that from Classical Baby....
Little Bug was in rare form these last few days, so I think even if Appa had been around, I still would have had to dig deep for the patience to get through it, but it makes me feel bad that I don't think I was as patient as I should have been with him this weekend. Sometimes when he would look at me with his mournful eyes after being scolded I just imagined him thinking "why don't you love me anymore, Mama?"
Oh, baby. I do love you. I just need to get better about showing it in the moments right after your throw our cordless phone at our big screen TV because I put up a baby gate or rip the hide out of your drum because I closed the blinds.
Appa is home now. He is going to take us out to dinner (doesn't know this yet) and give me a nice long massage. Tonight, when our kid's head starts spinning at approximately 1 am, he can deal with that, too.
I like it when it's just the three of us!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
E [TBD] [TBD] [TBD] M
Dear Little Bro,
Yesterday Appa and I settled on your name. We hope you like it.
It wasn't my first choice, but your wise Aunt Ali(ce) reminded me that in the long run I'll truly love the name not because it was an homage to my favorite author or trendy (like the name I was fighting for), but because it is your name. Just settling on the name makes me like it even more because now it is you.
We've taken care of the cornerstone pieces of your name; we cannot wait to find out what the middle portion will be!
Yesterday Appa and I settled on your name. We hope you like it.
It wasn't my first choice, but your wise Aunt Ali(ce) reminded me that in the long run I'll truly love the name not because it was an homage to my favorite author or trendy (like the name I was fighting for), but because it is your name. Just settling on the name makes me like it even more because now it is you.
We've taken care of the cornerstone pieces of your name; we cannot wait to find out what the middle portion will be!
Friday, March 12, 2010
"Hi, Doctor."
This morning Little Bug was having a serious meltdown. Serious. Real tears, thrashing, trying to gag himself to throw up (I don't know where he learned that trick, and thankfully has hasn't been able to pull the trigger, but COME ON!), etc.
The reason? I was trying to put on his clothes. You know, the type of injustice tantrums were made for.
So at one particularly violent part of this tantrum, I took his face firmly in my hands and turned it so we could make eye contact and I could let him know that I was kind of over this.
The blood gushing out his nose stopped that train of thought. Lots of bright red blood coming out of one nostril. Oh, God.
I'm really lucky that for as clumsy and uncoordinated as my sweet boy is, he rarely bleeds. Unfortunately, that means when I do see blood, this first-time mama sort of internally freaks out. It took me about 3 minutes to get the blood to stop and get him settled with some Thomas the Train (which he has never been interested in before, in part because I try to shield him from it because I find it incredibly creepy). It took me another 5 minutes before he would let me get near his face to wash the dried blood off. I figured his school would appreciate that one. PS: totally late for work at this point.
The whole time I'm thinking through the possible reasons for this nosebleed. Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? Blunt Trauma? Dry air? Picking his nose? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? His cold? Random luck? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage?
Seth is a head banger when he tantrums, so I'm a little oversensitive about his head, which I think is why I kept worrying that this was somehow a manifestation of one-too-many whacks on the hardwood floor. Appa, who was not available this morning, is usually so calm and logical, but when it comes to Little Bug, he is as over vigilant as I am. So of course he was concerned when I called him and strongly suggested I take Little Bug to the doctor.
"Hi, Doctor. My son had a nose bleed this morning. It stopped. It's just a single instance. He has a cold, and I forgot to turn on his humidifier last night. Clearly he has cancer or a brain hemorrhage, don't you agree?"
I'll bet the doctor actually hears that a couple times a week. I'm going to call the doctor when the office opens, and I will bet you his nurse will tell me in the kindest terms possible to chill the heck out and remember to turn on the humidifier tonight.
The reason? I was trying to put on his clothes. You know, the type of injustice tantrums were made for.
So at one particularly violent part of this tantrum, I took his face firmly in my hands and turned it so we could make eye contact and I could let him know that I was kind of over this.
The blood gushing out his nose stopped that train of thought. Lots of bright red blood coming out of one nostril. Oh, God.
I'm really lucky that for as clumsy and uncoordinated as my sweet boy is, he rarely bleeds. Unfortunately, that means when I do see blood, this first-time mama sort of internally freaks out. It took me about 3 minutes to get the blood to stop and get him settled with some Thomas the Train (which he has never been interested in before, in part because I try to shield him from it because I find it incredibly creepy). It took me another 5 minutes before he would let me get near his face to wash the dried blood off. I figured his school would appreciate that one. PS: totally late for work at this point.
The whole time I'm thinking through the possible reasons for this nosebleed. Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? Blunt Trauma? Dry air? Picking his nose? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? His cold? Random luck? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage?
Seth is a head banger when he tantrums, so I'm a little oversensitive about his head, which I think is why I kept worrying that this was somehow a manifestation of one-too-many whacks on the hardwood floor. Appa, who was not available this morning, is usually so calm and logical, but when it comes to Little Bug, he is as over vigilant as I am. So of course he was concerned when I called him and strongly suggested I take Little Bug to the doctor.
"Hi, Doctor. My son had a nose bleed this morning. It stopped. It's just a single instance. He has a cold, and I forgot to turn on his humidifier last night. Clearly he has cancer or a brain hemorrhage, don't you agree?"
I'll bet the doctor actually hears that a couple times a week. I'm going to call the doctor when the office opens, and I will bet you his nurse will tell me in the kindest terms possible to chill the heck out and remember to turn on the humidifier tonight.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Rambles of a Sleep-Deprived Mama
I've been having a hard time focusing lately. I kept wanting to blournal this or that, but when I actually attempt to write it out, nothing comes.
So here are some rambles of late that don't really warrant a single post, but are still things that hit me as "get this down; get this down!"
Daily life is mundane, but that can be okay. Routine is boring, but it's also incredibly comforting. I was thinking back to the first few days with Little Bug and how hopped up on adrenaline we were. He was finally here! We were finally parents! OMG, he just did this; he just did that! Thousands of days later, that adrenaline is replaced with this deep, calm satisfaction that although every day might not be this life-changing, heart-pounding collection of moments, each day is filled with the little moments that make life wonderful and the promise of thousands and thousands more of days just like it. I'm looking forward to that, to continuing to share the little moments with Little Bug. Putting him to bed next week, next month, 5 years from now. That sort of life stretched out before me is exciting to think about.
I have been working on a long overdue Blurb book of our blog posts from Korea. This book is dedicated to Little Bug and includes blog comments, personal e-mails, private pictures, and additional commentary that we have not shared publicly. It's a book chronicling our trip, but from an emotional standpoint, as well as educational and factual perspective. Going through the thousands of pictures and video brought back a lot of emotions for me. I so sincerely hope Appa and I can do our jobs right and Little Bug will grow up proud of that period in his life, proud of his Korean heritage, proud of his birth family and foster family, and proud of us. I want him to love Korea like I do…actually, I want him to love it even more.
The terrible twos are terrible. I hate when people tell me three is worse than two. Please stop saying that to this mama. How many earth-shattering meltdowns can one child have when being denied a romp outside in the rain in the dark at bedtime? I guess it is my fault; he does get his coat and our keys and wait expectantly at the door for 30 seconds. We are warned.
I need to start taking pictures again. I've been so remiss, which is unlike me. I think the combination of Little Bug's illnesses and attitude and my illness and lack of energy have taken a toll, and the mama photography has been cast aside. I'll regret anything less that 75 pictures this month; I know I will. I'm currently at 6 pictures, all from one zoo outing. Getcha going, mama.
Speaking of my camera, it's sitting on the charger, completely charged with a blank memory card. Waiting. Waiting for the phone to ring with Little Bro's referral and the hour long meeting I plan to tape, just as I did with Little Bug. I see it each morning, and it taunts me. I'm doing it to myself.
The wait is getting harder. We "truly" waited only 2 weeks for Little Bug's referral, so this type of waiting is foreign to me. I'm stalking almost hourly our agency's tracking list (which has not been updated in 13 days) to see if a referral has come in to bump us up. There's added pressure now for us to get a referral soon, where I used to feel much more at peace with "whenever it happens, it happens." It's more of a struggle for me to center myself there now.
I'm lucky to have such great friends. From my BFF who is just my rock in all things me to my random friends who drop me e-mails just to check up on the "super virus" to my adoption buddies turned GNO buddies and Faceb**k gossiping buddies, my adult personal life is at a very good place right now.
Just checked the agency tracking list again; no change. I'm not joking either.
My illness made me lose 14 pounds recently. These were pounds I easily had room to lose, but I am loving the way my body felt with them gone. It's been a week holding at the new weight, and although I want to lose more (only in a healthier manner), I'm starting to get used to the new feel of my body and forget that pleasurable constant reminder that it's nice to not weigh more. I need to try to hold on to that feeling as a motivator to continue to make healthier choices.
Diet Dr. Pepper is back in my life, courtesy of a well-meaning Appa who bought me home a 36 pack to celebrate me kicking the habit. Yeah, THAT makes sense. Add in total sleep deprivation, and I am knocking back one a morning now. Does it count for something if I feel guilty about it every time?
Finally, I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to drag out the learning centers and big guns in the evening to entertain my kid. He seems most content to just hang out with us, often sitting next to us cuddling while reading books or listening to music. This lack of physical activity for our family in the evenings used to worry me, but now I realize that just like I am tired and wanting to decompress from a long day at work, so does my kid. There is no better way to do that than together.
So here are some rambles of late that don't really warrant a single post, but are still things that hit me as "get this down; get this down!"
Daily life is mundane, but that can be okay. Routine is boring, but it's also incredibly comforting. I was thinking back to the first few days with Little Bug and how hopped up on adrenaline we were. He was finally here! We were finally parents! OMG, he just did this; he just did that! Thousands of days later, that adrenaline is replaced with this deep, calm satisfaction that although every day might not be this life-changing, heart-pounding collection of moments, each day is filled with the little moments that make life wonderful and the promise of thousands and thousands more of days just like it. I'm looking forward to that, to continuing to share the little moments with Little Bug. Putting him to bed next week, next month, 5 years from now. That sort of life stretched out before me is exciting to think about.
I have been working on a long overdue Blurb book of our blog posts from Korea. This book is dedicated to Little Bug and includes blog comments, personal e-mails, private pictures, and additional commentary that we have not shared publicly. It's a book chronicling our trip, but from an emotional standpoint, as well as educational and factual perspective. Going through the thousands of pictures and video brought back a lot of emotions for me. I so sincerely hope Appa and I can do our jobs right and Little Bug will grow up proud of that period in his life, proud of his Korean heritage, proud of his birth family and foster family, and proud of us. I want him to love Korea like I do…actually, I want him to love it even more.
The terrible twos are terrible. I hate when people tell me three is worse than two. Please stop saying that to this mama. How many earth-shattering meltdowns can one child have when being denied a romp outside in the rain in the dark at bedtime? I guess it is my fault; he does get his coat and our keys and wait expectantly at the door for 30 seconds. We are warned.
I need to start taking pictures again. I've been so remiss, which is unlike me. I think the combination of Little Bug's illnesses and attitude and my illness and lack of energy have taken a toll, and the mama photography has been cast aside. I'll regret anything less that 75 pictures this month; I know I will. I'm currently at 6 pictures, all from one zoo outing. Getcha going, mama.
Speaking of my camera, it's sitting on the charger, completely charged with a blank memory card. Waiting. Waiting for the phone to ring with Little Bro's referral and the hour long meeting I plan to tape, just as I did with Little Bug. I see it each morning, and it taunts me. I'm doing it to myself.
The wait is getting harder. We "truly" waited only 2 weeks for Little Bug's referral, so this type of waiting is foreign to me. I'm stalking almost hourly our agency's tracking list (which has not been updated in 13 days) to see if a referral has come in to bump us up. There's added pressure now for us to get a referral soon, where I used to feel much more at peace with "whenever it happens, it happens." It's more of a struggle for me to center myself there now.
I'm lucky to have such great friends. From my BFF who is just my rock in all things me to my random friends who drop me e-mails just to check up on the "super virus" to my adoption buddies turned GNO buddies and Faceb**k gossiping buddies, my adult personal life is at a very good place right now.
Just checked the agency tracking list again; no change. I'm not joking either.
My illness made me lose 14 pounds recently. These were pounds I easily had room to lose, but I am loving the way my body felt with them gone. It's been a week holding at the new weight, and although I want to lose more (only in a healthier manner), I'm starting to get used to the new feel of my body and forget that pleasurable constant reminder that it's nice to not weigh more. I need to try to hold on to that feeling as a motivator to continue to make healthier choices.
Diet Dr. Pepper is back in my life, courtesy of a well-meaning Appa who bought me home a 36 pack to celebrate me kicking the habit. Yeah, THAT makes sense. Add in total sleep deprivation, and I am knocking back one a morning now. Does it count for something if I feel guilty about it every time?
Finally, I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to drag out the learning centers and big guns in the evening to entertain my kid. He seems most content to just hang out with us, often sitting next to us cuddling while reading books or listening to music. This lack of physical activity for our family in the evenings used to worry me, but now I realize that just like I am tired and wanting to decompress from a long day at work, so does my kid. There is no better way to do that than together.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Seeing Pink
Man.
It's a good thing I love my kid and I love my job (less than my kid, obviously) because right now the two do not seem to want to play nice with each other.
In the new dynamic that is my family life, Little Bug ended up getting sick (AGAIN) just as Appa was getting over his latest illness. Of course. The silver lining is that it's not puking sick...it's more of the OMG-My-Kid-Has-Freaking-Pink-Eye kind of sick. That's the kind of sick that keeps a kid out of daycare, people.
And a kid out of daycare = a mama out of work. Sigh. (Never mind this mama is still dealing with her own super virus crap.)
Ultimately, I am lucky. Appa was in town today and able to split the shifts with me, so I can put a half day in the office. I'm also lucky to have a job that I can usually take home, so I can work during his nap this afternoon. It could be so much worse for us.
There's no real use complaining about all the illness (although it doesn't stop me). My family is not eating our meals off the EL platforms or licking the toys at the children's museum (okay, Little Big might be doing a bit of that when we aren't looking), so I feel like all these illnesses are just the luck of the draw for us. Fine.
When we signed up (literally) to be parents, we knew sacrifices of all types would need to be made. You think of the big ones; the financial and emotional and physical sacrifices. There are a lifetime filled with smaller, more day-to-day sacrifices, too. My pride at having to ask my boss for MORE time off and a dwindling PTO bank are two that I am willing to give for the chance to spend 5:00 am-6:00 am this morning cuddling in bed with the cutest little boy in the world who was cooing "my mama" while petting my face.
It's a good thing I love my kid and I love my job (less than my kid, obviously) because right now the two do not seem to want to play nice with each other.
In the new dynamic that is my family life, Little Bug ended up getting sick (AGAIN) just as Appa was getting over his latest illness. Of course. The silver lining is that it's not puking sick...it's more of the OMG-My-Kid-Has-Freaking-Pink-Eye kind of sick. That's the kind of sick that keeps a kid out of daycare, people.
And a kid out of daycare = a mama out of work. Sigh. (Never mind this mama is still dealing with her own super virus crap.)
Ultimately, I am lucky. Appa was in town today and able to split the shifts with me, so I can put a half day in the office. I'm also lucky to have a job that I can usually take home, so I can work during his nap this afternoon. It could be so much worse for us.
There's no real use complaining about all the illness (although it doesn't stop me). My family is not eating our meals off the EL platforms or licking the toys at the children's museum (okay, Little Big might be doing a bit of that when we aren't looking), so I feel like all these illnesses are just the luck of the draw for us. Fine.
When we signed up (literally) to be parents, we knew sacrifices of all types would need to be made. You think of the big ones; the financial and emotional and physical sacrifices. There are a lifetime filled with smaller, more day-to-day sacrifices, too. My pride at having to ask my boss for MORE time off and a dwindling PTO bank are two that I am willing to give for the chance to spend 5:00 am-6:00 am this morning cuddling in bed with the cutest little boy in the world who was cooing "my mama" while petting my face.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Hugs
Little Bug gives great hugs, really tender ones that are mostly head nuzzles and a little purr of content. He isn't really a big arm hugger, which is fine with me. I'll take my baby hugs however he wants to give them.But lately, I've been the very lucky recipient of the coolest kind of hugs...the running toward you with arms wide open and ready to be thrown around your body hugs. Umm, I LOVE them.
Little Bug has been doing splendidly in his new classroom at school. It's challenging and motivating, and he seems comfortable. It's not all sunshine and roses though; he has had a hard time at night this week, which is very typical of his way of dealing with stress. So I know that his transition days in the 2-year-old room are at least a little trying for him. It would be concerning if they were not.
When I pick him up each evening, I like to look in the window of the door and watch him (like in a zoo). It's become a bit of a game because inevitably one of the kids will notice me and start chanting "Little Bug's Mom." That gets his attention, and the moment when we make eye contact is easily one of my top 3 moments of each day. In the past, he would just break into a huge grin and chant my name while continuing to play, rarely making an effort to actually come over to me, preferring instead to wait for me to come to him so he could show me what he was playing with.
No longer.
Now when we make eye contact he breaks into a huge grin, starts chanting my name and pointing, and breaks into his Little Bug mall walk, his arms outstreached as he barrels into me for a huge hug.
It melts me into a giant puddle of happiness every single time.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The MC
Little Bug has a LOOOOOOONG name. We chose to keep not only his two-part Korean name as his middle name, but also to keep his Korean surname as a first (but socially unused) middle name.
That means my child's name is [Given Name] [Korean Surname] [Part 1 Korean Given Name] [Part 2 Korean Given Name] [Surname]. Kindergarten and standardized tests are going to be awesome for him.
Some days I sort of regret saddling him with all these names (or at least not combining where we could), but usually I love his name. I love the fact that we kept his Korean surname (a direct link to his birth mother we want him to proudly bear), even though it is the biggest pain in the butt to explain why it's legally there but we don't pseudo-legally use it, and it will undoubtedly annoy him as he grows up. (Did you know on most medical and school records you can put as many or as few of your child's legal middle names as you would like?)
What I love most about his name is his Korean given name. When he first came home, we paired his given name with his Korean given name to help him learn to respond to the new name. Oddly enough, the pairing (or tripling, as would be the case here) stuck and we probably call him [Given Name] [Part 1 Korean Given Name] [Part 2 Korean Given Name] about 50% of the time.
What I like very best though, is a bit more often than occasionally, we just call him by his Korean given name. It's become almost like an intimate name, not a nickname, but the kind of name only a family member would use. Indeed, the only people who ever call him just by his Korean name are Appa and me, his foster family, and a couple aunts and uncles. It's not forced or used as a funny sort of thing; it just sometimes rolls off our tongues and sounds natural. Familial intimacy is the only way I can think to describe it. When I hear it, I am happy.
For Little Bug's part, he responds to both names equally. In the future, if he wants to just go by one name or the other, it will be easy for us to roll with that for as long as he wishes. I sometimes wonder if there will be times when he won't want us to use his Korean names, or if there will be times he only wants us to use his Korean names.
I'll be happy either way, and I hope "The MC" will be, too. Except when he has to try to fit 21 letters and 4 spaces into 15 bubbles on a standardized test…I'd be cursing us at that point, too.
That means my child's name is [Given Name] [Korean Surname] [Part 1 Korean Given Name] [Part 2 Korean Given Name] [Surname]. Kindergarten and standardized tests are going to be awesome for him.
Some days I sort of regret saddling him with all these names (or at least not combining where we could), but usually I love his name. I love the fact that we kept his Korean surname (a direct link to his birth mother we want him to proudly bear), even though it is the biggest pain in the butt to explain why it's legally there but we don't pseudo-legally use it, and it will undoubtedly annoy him as he grows up. (Did you know on most medical and school records you can put as many or as few of your child's legal middle names as you would like?)
What I love most about his name is his Korean given name. When he first came home, we paired his given name with his Korean given name to help him learn to respond to the new name. Oddly enough, the pairing (or tripling, as would be the case here) stuck and we probably call him [Given Name] [Part 1 Korean Given Name] [Part 2 Korean Given Name] about 50% of the time.
What I like very best though, is a bit more often than occasionally, we just call him by his Korean given name. It's become almost like an intimate name, not a nickname, but the kind of name only a family member would use. Indeed, the only people who ever call him just by his Korean name are Appa and me, his foster family, and a couple aunts and uncles. It's not forced or used as a funny sort of thing; it just sometimes rolls off our tongues and sounds natural. Familial intimacy is the only way I can think to describe it. When I hear it, I am happy.
For Little Bug's part, he responds to both names equally. In the future, if he wants to just go by one name or the other, it will be easy for us to roll with that for as long as he wishes. I sometimes wonder if there will be times when he won't want us to use his Korean names, or if there will be times he only wants us to use his Korean names.
I'll be happy either way, and I hope "The MC" will be, too. Except when he has to try to fit 21 letters and 4 spaces into 15 bubbles on a standardized test…I'd be cursing us at that point, too.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Safe
After some space from yesterday, I'm in a better place and not even really thinking about what is happening "behind the scenes." As I was rocking Little Bug to bed last night, I was thinking about how much we would lose if the worst were to happen, and I realized it was very little.
A significant amount of money, maybe. An entire year waiting, yes. An expected and anticipated family plan, sort of.
Little Bro, no.
The fact of the matter is, Little Bro is meant to come to our family in his own time. Perhaps that time is not now. If that is the case, I will have to accept that the factors that dictated that were what needed to happen for our family to form the way it was meant to. I won't like it, but I will accept it.
I also realized that the most important things in my life are not affected by this situation, either way it shakes out. Little Bug is still my son. Nothing in the world can take him from my arms. Nothing. Appa is still my husband and the father of my son. He will be my partner in replanning our family if it comes to that.
My family is safe. Little Bro and Little Sis are safe in my heart until the time is right.
With all that being said, my gut is telling me things will be okay. My gut is telling me Little Bro is almost ready to say hello. My gut is telling me things will work out for everyone. If it doesn't, it doesn't, but I think that it will.
A significant amount of money, maybe. An entire year waiting, yes. An expected and anticipated family plan, sort of.
Little Bro, no.
The fact of the matter is, Little Bro is meant to come to our family in his own time. Perhaps that time is not now. If that is the case, I will have to accept that the factors that dictated that were what needed to happen for our family to form the way it was meant to. I won't like it, but I will accept it.
I also realized that the most important things in my life are not affected by this situation, either way it shakes out. Little Bug is still my son. Nothing in the world can take him from my arms. Nothing. Appa is still my husband and the father of my son. He will be my partner in replanning our family if it comes to that.
My family is safe. Little Bro and Little Sis are safe in my heart until the time is right.
With all that being said, my gut is telling me things will be okay. My gut is telling me Little Bro is almost ready to say hello. My gut is telling me things will work out for everyone. If it doesn't, it doesn't, but I think that it will.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Only Option
Breathe.
Today has been a roller coaster of a day. A little bit of information snowballed into something that was potentially life changing (and not in a good way) for my family. After allowing myself to become slightly emotionally unhinged (manifested in total lack of spelling or punctuation, frantic e-mails, worried g-chats, and a Diet Dr. Pepper or two), I got a call from someone who could give me a straight-from-the-top answer. It helped that this person is someone I trust implicitly. It actually helped a lot.
She seemed positive that things would work out for my family and for all the families who I care about who are also potentially affected by this news. My heart was calmed, not completely, but close.
Not everyone buys her positive spin though, and that has been hard for me to navigate this afternoon. Am I being naive because I trust my source? Is my relationship with her clouding my judgment? Should I continue to protect my heart and worry? That's the message I am getting from some people.
Honestly, that's not the way I want to live. I'm already protecting my heart from placing expectations on Little Bro's referral and the wait from referral to travel call and Little Bug's milestones. I have enough anxiety in my life.
I cannot spend the next 3-4 months worrying about what might or might not happen. If it doesn't happen the way I want it to, that is something that we will have to deal with, whether we want to or not. There is nothing we can do about it. I mean, obviously until everything is settled I will worry, but I guess I mean I cannot worry that I cannot trust the people who are trying to figure this out.
After all, in adoption, trust is really your only option.
Breathe.
Today has been a roller coaster of a day. A little bit of information snowballed into something that was potentially life changing (and not in a good way) for my family. After allowing myself to become slightly emotionally unhinged (manifested in total lack of spelling or punctuation, frantic e-mails, worried g-chats, and a Diet Dr. Pepper or two), I got a call from someone who could give me a straight-from-the-top answer. It helped that this person is someone I trust implicitly. It actually helped a lot.
She seemed positive that things would work out for my family and for all the families who I care about who are also potentially affected by this news. My heart was calmed, not completely, but close.
Not everyone buys her positive spin though, and that has been hard for me to navigate this afternoon. Am I being naive because I trust my source? Is my relationship with her clouding my judgment? Should I continue to protect my heart and worry? That's the message I am getting from some people.
Honestly, that's not the way I want to live. I'm already protecting my heart from placing expectations on Little Bro's referral and the wait from referral to travel call and Little Bug's milestones. I have enough anxiety in my life.
I cannot spend the next 3-4 months worrying about what might or might not happen. If it doesn't happen the way I want it to, that is something that we will have to deal with, whether we want to or not. There is nothing we can do about it. I mean, obviously until everything is settled I will worry, but I guess I mean I cannot worry that I cannot trust the people who are trying to figure this out.
After all, in adoption, trust is really your only option.
Breathe.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Little Triumph
This morning Little Bug went into the 2 year old class for the first full day. (He actually spent all Friday in the classroom with awesome results, but today was the first day we took him into the classroom as his "home room.")
I've always been a bit on the sappy side, but being a mom has taken it to a new level. Little things, like Little Bug's long anticipated move to his new room at school, make my emotional grid go wild. I alternate between being nervous for him, excited for him, a little sad that he is growing up (even though he's already bigger than most of the kids in his new class; my kid is super tall), and completely triumphant that this moment has finally come.
Every milestone Little Bug hits is special for us, but they hit me hard because I often get caught up our daily grind and forget to believe that those milestones we work so hard for will come. I clearly remember the moments where I found it hard to believe Little Bug would ever sit up, crawl, walk….and someday I will look back on these moments when I find it hard to believe that the day will come when Little Bug will drink from an open cup or eat soup with a spoon or color with a crayon instead of eating it or count to 3 or pick out colors and ruefully laugh to myself.
Today, though, is special because it's a tangible step forward socially for Little Bug. He is joining his age peers, even though he is still developmentally behind them. He's taking it to the next level now and will be challenged in new ways. In fact, the last time he faced such a challenge was when he first started school last July and could only just crawl and pull up. Little Bug likes challenges. He was blessed with a disposition that doesn't quit. I have no doubt he will flourish in his new environment.
Best. 2 year old. ever.
I've always been a bit on the sappy side, but being a mom has taken it to a new level. Little things, like Little Bug's long anticipated move to his new room at school, make my emotional grid go wild. I alternate between being nervous for him, excited for him, a little sad that he is growing up (even though he's already bigger than most of the kids in his new class; my kid is super tall), and completely triumphant that this moment has finally come.
Every milestone Little Bug hits is special for us, but they hit me hard because I often get caught up our daily grind and forget to believe that those milestones we work so hard for will come. I clearly remember the moments where I found it hard to believe Little Bug would ever sit up, crawl, walk….and someday I will look back on these moments when I find it hard to believe that the day will come when Little Bug will drink from an open cup or eat soup with a spoon or color with a crayon instead of eating it or count to 3 or pick out colors and ruefully laugh to myself.
Today, though, is special because it's a tangible step forward socially for Little Bug. He is joining his age peers, even though he is still developmentally behind them. He's taking it to the next level now and will be challenged in new ways. In fact, the last time he faced such a challenge was when he first started school last July and could only just crawl and pull up. Little Bug likes challenges. He was blessed with a disposition that doesn't quit. I have no doubt he will flourish in his new environment.
Best. 2 year old. ever.
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