Dear Man Who Dared to "SHH" my Kids Today,

Botanic garden trams are meant to be enjoyed by families of all ages, not just aging old men and their preteen grand daughters.  If you have a problem with toddlers being on the tram I suggest one of the following options:

1. Take it up with management.  See how that goes over.
2. Choose to sit in one of the other two cars and 30 other rows that are not in front of four rows of families with small children.
3. Move to above mentioned other areas during one of the ample stops along the tour.

What I suggest you don't ever do again is turn to my family after my 4-year-old dares to point out some of the views and glare at my kid while saying "Guys, SHHHH" in the most abravise, aggresive, and intense voice possible. 

Because the thing is, my husband is a gentle and kind man, the the tone Appa used to shut you down was laced with "dare to speak to my family like that again and I might get in my first fist fight."  Trust me, the only way to bring out rage in my husband is to mess with his kids, and you "sir," came dangerously close today.

I'd have his back, too. I spent the entire hour seething at the back of your balding head.  My speech pre-bloodshed was going to be epic.  Just saying.

Respectfully,
The Mama

PS: Fried handlebar mustaches look good on exactly zero people.

Oh Sh!t

So I don't know when it happened exactly, and I'd like to blame it on residual trauma from a car accident a long time ago, but the bottom line is I know it was me.

I taught my kid to swear.

We noticed it a couple days ago when Appa made a hard stop in the car.  Instead of the usual laughing that we hear from the back seat, we heard our sweet 4.5-year-old exclaim "Oh, ohh, SH!T."

Appa and I whipped our heads toward each other and both knew in an instant that this was my doing.  I am less than the best passenger, and our 2-week vacation that spanned four states (including the very narrow and winding roads of the Oregon coast) featured many a tense car moment for me.

Appa was gallant and tried to convince me that he wasn't actually saying what it sounded like he was saying.  It was sweet of him to blame it on our kid's speech impediment, really.  I love that man.

But no, despite our attempts not to react to the curse, Little Bug has taken to using it whenever we stop suddenly or hit a bump in a road.  And since our entire street is torn up due to construction, the last 2 minutes of every drive sound like we have a sailor in the backseat.

I've tried to replace it with a snappy and fun "Wheeeeee!!  Wheeee!" and I've tried to be stern and tell him that the word isn't a good choice.  I've tried ignoring it and I've tried telling him that I am ignoring it.

But as is always the case with kids, he instinctively knows he's hit the taboo jackpot.  I can't get him to stop and I have no one to blame but myself (and perhaps Blink 182 for helping me develop my own potty mouth in college).

Sigh.  Sh!t.