Breathe.
Today has been a roller coaster of a day. A little bit of information snowballed into something that was potentially life changing (and not in a good way) for my family. After allowing myself to become slightly emotionally unhinged (manifested in total lack of spelling or punctuation, frantic e-mails, worried g-chats, and a Diet Dr. Pepper or two), I got a call from someone who could give me a straight-from-the-top answer. It helped that this person is someone I trust implicitly. It actually helped a lot.
She seemed positive that things would work out for my family and for all the families who I care about who are also potentially affected by this news. My heart was calmed, not completely, but close.
Not everyone buys her positive spin though, and that has been hard for me to navigate this afternoon. Am I being naive because I trust my source? Is my relationship with her clouding my judgment? Should I continue to protect my heart and worry? That's the message I am getting from some people.
Honestly, that's not the way I want to live. I'm already protecting my heart from placing expectations on Little Bro's referral and the wait from referral to travel call and Little Bug's milestones. I have enough anxiety in my life.
I cannot spend the next 3-4 months worrying about what might or might not happen. If it doesn't happen the way I want it to, that is something that we will have to deal with, whether we want to or not. There is nothing we can do about it. I mean, obviously until everything is settled I will worry, but I guess I mean I cannot worry that I cannot trust the people who are trying to figure this out.
After all, in adoption, trust is really your only option.
Breathe.
It really is all you can do. I'm glad you got to speak with someone you trust. I am not familiar with the exact situation or the people involved, but I don't think it is naive of you to take her at her word. Everything is out of our hands when it comes to adoption....until the child is in your hands. But you have been through enough to know that everything WILL BE as it SHOULD BE. I hope for you that means a smooth ride.
ReplyDeleteGeez, is it time to go to the islands yet, mon??
I heard the news this afternoon, but I am like you....I totally trust what I have heard from my source. I don't have as much on the line as you do, but I know that I would be reacting like you are. Trust is all you can do. Right now, you have no reason to NOT trust. Keep the faith. We all know that everything happens as it should...it is just hard to trust that sometimes. :)
ReplyDeleteYou have no reason not to trust your source...I think you should allow her words to give you some peace and calm. Things are going to happen the way they're going to anyways. There's no reason to burden yourself with even more anxiety right now. I think trust is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI feel a bit uneasy too, but of all the sources, I trust yours the most.
ReplyDeleteYou can't listen to everyone, so you need to go with your gut (as we do in adoption so often) and stick to it. If you go back and forth constantly you'll make yourself crazy. Your source is a very reliable one and one that has given you good info before. Deep breath though...I know.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this.
ReplyDelete