Daily Dose of Mama: It's official; I am sad

Monday, December 7, 2009

It's official; I am sad

We are going on hold for Little Bro, at least until March. I always knew this was a possibility, but I was sort of hoping that things would just naturally slow down so that we wouldn't have to make the call...to say no to receiving a referral that was, for lack of a better phrase, within our reach. In so many ways, I hate being sad about this because it's a result of a number of families being matched with their sons, and that is an awesome thing.

I know we are not saying no to Little Bro. I firmly believe that our family will be ready for him when he is ready for us. He isn't ready, and neither are we.

My head gets that.

My impatient heart, however, is frowning a little tonight.

6 comments:

KrisDecember 7, 2009 at 11:24 PM
I can only imagine how hard that decision was. Thinking of you.
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sueDecember 7, 2009 at 11:25 PM
(((hugs))) to you Cori.
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kellyDecember 7, 2009 at 11:32 PM
C, I'm so sorry. Even if your head gets it, this is a hard pill to swallow. I'm sure you'll look back some day and think "Thank GOD we had the courage to wait because THIS is the son that was meant to join our family." But, in the meantime.... ugh, hard. Thinking about you.
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JoJoDecember 8, 2009 at 6:29 AM
I'm sorry it's officially official. It's a funny thing in adoption when you need to do that, cuz so many 'what ifs' come into play. Little Bro is there waiting for you though.
Thinking of you...
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everythingismeowsomeDecember 8, 2009 at 6:46 AM
I get it and you get it. It still stinks...for now.
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AnonymousDecember 8, 2009 at 7:07 AM
I'm so sorry. I know how hard that must have been for you. Thinking of your family...
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Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

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