Daily Dose of Mama: A Christmas Carol

Monday, December 28, 2009

A Christmas Carol

I've been meaning to write this for a few days, but didn't. Oh well.

This Christmas season I was visited by three holiday ghosts.

The Ghost of Christmas Past reminded me over and over about all those Christmases where I would take a moment and look around and promise myself that "next year I would have a baby to share this with," only to find myself doing the same thing the next year, acutely aware of my broken promises. It's been two Christmases now with my son, and that fact that I still think all those sad Christmases is a bittersweet reminder to always be grateful for the moments I do get to share with my family.

The Ghost of Christmas Present tagged in at this point and suggested that, maybe, just maybe, I should put down the camera and step away from the blournal and just enjoy the holiday I had waited so long to experience. I think, over all, I did a pretty okay job taking some pictures and video to capture the moments to share with our families far away, while still being able to just be there and enjoy them.

The Ghost of Christmas Future was sort of just floating overhead and occasionally would swoop down and slime me with the realization that this holiday was most likely my last with just Little Bug. Surprisingly, this made me a bit sad. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am terrified to have two children to corral around the tree, to stop from ripping down stockings and decorations, and who will have an even more obscene amount of gifts (not to mention the whole two human beings still in diapers under my care forever and ever in less than 12 month's time). However, Appa and I did occasionally bring Little Bro up and dream about what fun it would be to have our two little guys home for the holidays next year. We even started seriously discussing names, which thrilled me until I realized that this is going to be a seriously hard battle between Appa and I. Really, what is so wrong with the name "Corbin"?

Then all the ghosts were gone, the fourth season of Dext*r was watched, the presents were ~~put away~~ strategically moved from one room to another, and Appa and I have our final bits of adoption paperwork almost finished.

Bring on 2010.

5 comments:

sueDecember 28, 2009 at 9:13 AM
this is a wonderful post. the "next year" sentiment in your ghosts of Christmas past, rings true for me too :).

Blake had a cousin named Corbin - he goes by Cory though.
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CoriDecember 28, 2009 at 9:45 AM
Hum, I am not a fan of naming a child after a parent, so you bring up a good point, Sue.

Corbin is totally off the table at this point. Unfortunately, some of the names I am not crazy about are still on the table. Sigh.
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AnonymousDecember 28, 2009 at 11:14 AM
I had similar fears when we added #2 child. The first year can be a little crazy at times and the diaper pile will be insane! But, watching the bond grow between your two children will be amazing. It will also be amazing to see how the love in your family just continues to grow. :)
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CindyDecember 28, 2009 at 4:08 PM
Child #2 is difficult, but all worth it...the guilt/sadness you mentioned is so true at first. But then you see the bond grow between the two and it all fades away. You forget what it was like with just one. Two in diapers...not the best, but it's temporary. Don't sweat it. Naming the second...also more difficult for some reason.
Soak in the next year (or whatever the timeline will be) and love up Seth!

Also, I can relate to each "ghost" you mentioned. Glad you had a great Christmas with your family!
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Katie W.December 29, 2009 at 7:47 PM
Bring on 2010 is right! I can't wait to see what the next year holds for you, Cori!!!
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.