Daily Dose of Mama: To Stalk or Not to Stalk

Monday, October 12, 2009

To Stalk or Not to Stalk

I'm not creepy, I swear.

Little Bug lived with another little girl in Korea, and we have many pictures of the two of them growing up together. We wanted to keep in touch with this little girl's family, but all our agency could tell us is the state she would be living in and that they would give the family our information.

13 months later...crickets.

After blog stalking for as long as I have, I had thought on a couple of occasions that I might have found this little girl, but it never seemed to pan out. Then, in a stroke of sheer luck, Little Bug's foster family started their own blog (how awesome is that?!?) and another family started following it...a family who used to live in the very state we had been told and who had sent the foster family an updated picture of a little girl who looked very much like the little girl in our pictures.

Here's where it gets a little stalkery.

The woman's profile has no e-mail address, and her family blog is private. Through pictures posted on the other blogs she follows (family member's blogs), I was able to confirm that this was for sure Little Bug's special Korea friend. I would very much like to keep some sort of contact with the family of the girl who lived with Little Bug, but I have no real way to reach them. I could ask the foster family, and might have to in the end, but I would prefer to keep them out of what could be an awkward situation for them should the other family not be receptive.

I mean, it could be that they had our information and chose not to contact us. Well within their prerogative.

So, the most stalkerish idea I've had is to contact the woman's father and mother, whose e-mails and blog I do have access to, and explain who I am and why I would like them to pass along my information.

Appa thinks it's creepy of me to do that. Indeed, stopping perfect strangers from contacting us about intimate family issues was part of the reason we took our blog private. I don't want to overstep my "normal-person" boundaries.

So, what is a noncreepy Mama to do?

6 comments:

KrisOctober 13, 2009 at 9:35 AM
I say do it. The worst that could happen is they don't contact you. This little girl lived with Seth the first months of his life!

We were in sort of the same situation. The album of Xavier that was given to us by the foster family had a few photos of him with another little boy. We definitely wanted to find the family that adopted him. So we e-mailed the foster sister and she told us what state the boy the boy is going to and his Korean name. Jason e-mailed the only adoption agency in that state telling them our situation, the boy's name and some scanned photos. They passed the info onto the family that is adopting the boy and they eventually e-mailed us. They were still waiting to bring him home, but we hope to keep in touch with them.
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CoriOctober 13, 2009 at 9:40 AM
Kris,

Thanks for the idea of scanning some pictures. I think I will contact the grandparents and include a picture or two of their granddaughter to show I am legit.
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sueOctober 13, 2009 at 9:42 AM
i agree, i would do it too. and a great idea to scan some pictures of Little bug and their daughter. good luck!
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everythingismeowsomeOctober 13, 2009 at 1:17 PM
I'm thinking you should go for it. Definitely including scanned pics. I really want to keep in touch with whoever adopts Matthew's foster brother....if only his family would hurry up and find him on the waiting child list.
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DenaOctober 13, 2009 at 8:42 PM
Yeah, I would totally do it -- stalker-ish or not. I don't think I would even consider NOT doing it. That could just mean I am more stalker-ish than you are though :)
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CoriOctober 13, 2009 at 9:20 PM
Okay, ladies. E-mail is sent. Fingers crossed they react favorably. I did include some pictures and feel that really adds some cred to the e-mail.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

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