Spoiled

Before Little Bug came home, I was convinced I wouldn't spoil my child. As one of five kids with a one parent income, I didn't grow up spoiled. Comfortable, yes. Spoiled, no. I scoffed and judged other parents who clearly spoiled their kids.

I'm now trying to retrace my steps to find out where my son became spoiled. Because he is . totally . spoiled. Not materialistically...although he is actually the owner of an unholy amount of toys, clothes, and books, and is probably the definition of a spoiled child...but he could care less about any of it, so I am not counting that right now.

Little Bug throws a lot of tantrums lately. He expects his way and to get what he want when he wants it. Deviation from this lofty life-plan results in whining, crying, head banging, throwing, and the super fun "dead weight"/"stiff as a board" baby moves. This is most concerning because Little Bug still doesn't have a lot of body awareness, so sometimes his tantrums can hurt him.

I don't really blame myself for the tantrums. Appa and I haven't modeled the behavior for him (shocker), tantrums are pretty normals for toddlers, and we've been doing everything we can "by the book" to modify his behaviors through our reactions to him, keeping his safety in mind, of course.

But, so many of Little Bug's tantrums are now a direct result of not getting his way. How much of this is normal toddlerness and how much is spoiledness, I'm can't figure out. (No, neither of those are actual words.) I know part of the problem is that for a very long time, Little Bug couldn't physically do things, so we did it for him. It makes sense that he would now be confused as to why he has to walk instead of be carried or hold his own sippy cup instead of getting it poured down his throat like a little baby bird.

Occasionally the "independent" streak comes out, and he wants to do things on his own. Unfortunately, the activities he is usually interested in doing on his own include things like scaling walls, using sharp forks, going outside, playing in the street, "typing" on the computer, and diving into an empty (or full) bath.

We are trying to find this happy medium between "tough love" and forcing him to become more independent and less "spoiled," and still providing a level of reward for his hard work and continued attachment. It's a fine line that I can't fully explain. When he is crying after a hard day of walking and wants to be picked up, I feel it is best for both of us to pick him up. However, if I do, then he refuses to walk for hours after that and will tantrum if not being held. If it's raining outside or muddy and I picked him up to avoid him inevitably butt plopping at some point into the muck, he decided he should always get to be carried from the car to the door.

I guess all we can do is keep working on it. Give him his love and attention and support and push him to his limits. In the meantime, I'll just be that mama with the spoiled kid.

I guess it could be worse. I could be the Target Mom.