Daily Dose of Mama: I Wish for Her a Beautiful Life

Monday, October 12, 2009

I Wish for Her a Beautiful Life

I think about Little Bug’s birth mother every day. Usually it is when I am rocking him to sleep and thinking about what a perfect miracle he is that my thoughts momentarily drift to her. It’s almost like a mental check in with her…

Yes, he is being taken care of, and yes, there is a part of me that is sorry that you are not able to be the one taking care of him. Thank you.

It’s not a sad thing, but just a part of my life and thought process. She is not forgotten. Sometimes I will think about her or Little Bug’s birth father when wondering where Little Bug got his dashing looks or his happy disposition. However, rarely do I think about them past that. We have chosen not to share the particulars of Little Bug’s birth family with people. It’s not a scandalous secret, but it is information that we feel belongs to Little Bug. It’s his choice to share it when and with whom he wants.

So, with that in mind, I still want to talk about some feelings I have been experiencing in the last few days. A large newspaper recently ran an article about the plight of unwed mothers in Korea. It was all information I knew in general terms before, but to see if spelled out in detail was shocking.

Unwed mothers in Korea are the lowest of the low. They are disowned by their families; shunned by their friends, coworkers, and strangers; often lose their jobs or apartments; and are given very little help from the government. With all that in mind, one could somehow understand how a staggering 96% of unwed pregnancies are ended in abortion.

96%.

That means that Little Bug’s birth mother was one of just 4% of women who chose to carry her pregnancy to term. That means that she spent 9 months pregnant and working while dealing with social shunning that I cannot fathom. That means she made a choice to bear the brunt of this social suicide for the baby growing inside her.

Then she let that sweet baby boy go with the hope of a better future for him.

And he came to me.

I’m in awe of her. Truly, I am in awe, and I am humbled to be charged with the honor of raising this little boy who meant enough to her to give her the strength to go through everything that most people choose not to go through.

According to the article, she is probably still facing prejudice and social stigmas, even after giving Little Bug up for adoption. She made a sacrifice for a blessing she isn’t even able to experience. She made some very specific choices that I am just now beginning to understand.

I do not believe I will ever get to meet this woman, but I pray for her every night. Not just that she is safe and calm and at peace, but I pray that she is happy and being treated with kindness and love by those around her. I pray that she is able to enjoy life. There is this book that a lot of Korean-adoptee families read that is a collection of letters from birth mothers called I Wish for You a Beautiful Life. I like that.

I wish for her a beautiful life.

3 comments:

everythingismeowsomeOctober 12, 2009 at 2:35 PM
That article really got to me as well. To have to go through everything these moms go through only to say goodbye to these precious babies is a kind of sacrifice I cannot begin to fathom. Truly, it is love in its truest form. I really hope that a social shift begins to take place in Korea that will allow more and more families to remain intact.
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kellyOctober 12, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Even though I'm pre-referral, I already have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I will be benefitting from someone else's misery. I know it's the way it has to be given the way that Korea deals with things, but it's hard to come to terms with the fact that the best thing in my life is going to happen only because the worst thing has happened to another woman I'll probably never meet who lives half way around the world. Anyway, I can understand why this woman is always on your mind.
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CoriOctober 13, 2009 at 9:37 AM
Kelly, I agree, and it becomes even harder when you add the foster family and their loss into the mix.

The day we took custody of Little Bug I wrote a blog post on our family blog that started out with the line

"How do you describe the moment that your heart finally becomes complete at the expense of another's heart breaking?"

I'm pretty sure there will never be words for it.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

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