Daily Dose of Mama: Written on March 29, 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Written on March 29, 2011

One year ago today my son entered my life. Even though it would be a full month until all the other factors fell into place to make it so, one year ago today, before I had even seen his file which would come the following day, I knew.

I sat down at the computer 1 year ago today and wrote him a letter. A letter than I had no business writing to this child, but that I absolutely knew would one day be read by him.

There are few things in life that I have felt as uncharacteristically, blindly faithful about as I did that day 1 year ago. File be damned, finances be damned, business associations be damned. I just knew that the child behind that little square of a picture was the child that Appa and I would both ultimately agree was going to be our son. For someone who likes to err on the side of emotional caution and pessimism, I was full of wild abandon when it came to loving this child.

And now, 1 year later, a little white dresser in my home is filled with clothes he will wear in just over a week. My calendar has appointments that he and I will go to together. My home is about to become his home, my traditions his traditions, my family his family.....

My heart simply his.

In the last 365 days, never once have I wavered from that wild abandon. I've felt such peace. Truly, such peace.

All because 1 year ago Appa and I followed an insane urge to jump outside the plan, our comfort zone, our expectations.

Thank God for today.

6 comments:

JoJoMarch 29, 2011 at 6:36 AM
I'm so proud of you for *truly* following your heart and I know it already has and will continue to make you a very happy, fulfilled mom. I love thinking about Big Star's clothes in his dresser :)
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sueMarch 29, 2011 at 11:32 AM
again, i have chills! and i can't wait for big star to be a part of your family!!!
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kellyMarch 29, 2011 at 11:54 AM
Oh boy, this might be my favorite post of yours yet (and that's saying a lot!!) I remember so clearly that letter you wrote one year ago. I'm not sure I've ever had that feeling you describe - of just knowing without one single shred of doubt. But it sounds like a feeling you will never regret or forget. I can't stop thinking about Big Star reading this letter some day when he's a teenager and just knowing how much he was wanted and loved.
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ChristineMarch 29, 2011 at 2:10 PM
I love the story about how Big Star came to be yours. It will be so special to read him that letter and share the story with him!
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Christine @ 12,450miles March 30, 2011 at 9:33 AM
What an amazing journey. Every piece perfect in it's own way... it's own time. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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PixApril 9, 2011 at 9:48 PM
Oh gosh this is just so lovely. All of it. Can't wait for you to finally be together with your little Big Star.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.