Daily Dose of Mama: I Won’t Hesitate No More

Friday, March 25, 2011

I Won’t Hesitate No More

I’m freezing.

That’s probably the shock from hearing it’s finally time. We’re finally on our way to Little Bro.

Lately I haven’t had words for this part of my life, this more personal blog. The heartache for those I already love in Korea has pretty much taken over. But today the excitement has barreled in, too, for me and my family. And the shock that after almost 1 year to the day that my heart said “MAKE THIS CALL,” the little child who has had my heart for so very long will finally be in my arms.

I cannot image how my life would be if I hadn’t followed my feelings on this one, if Appa hadn’t opened his mind and trusted a new plan, if Little Bro wasn’t our big star. I’m so thankful things have worked out they way they have….right down to every delay and hiccup.

And it will be hard for him and others, and I can’t stop tempering my excitement with that knowledge, but my God, it’s a beautiful thing for my family, too.

The way our family and Little Bro came together is one unlike I ever thought I would write, but at every turn we’ve been blessed. The last year has changed me radically, and I believe it is for the better.

I won’t hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, I’m Yours

Well open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and then you’re free

Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love

-Jason Mraz, “I’m Yours”

11 comments:

YvonneMarch 25, 2011 at 10:21 AM
So, so happy that it is time. And hope that while there is sadness, there is also so much joy - for all of you. It's time!! Time to go and time to start life as a family of four. So very excited and happy for all of you!
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everythingismeowsomeMarch 25, 2011 at 11:44 AM
It's time! Can't wait to start following your journey as a family of 4!
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sueMarch 25, 2011 at 12:34 PM
i'm crying now after reading through this post. it's so perfect and beautiful. my heart hurts for big star's foster family, but my tears are from joy for your family. we couldn't be more thrilled for this wonderful news!!!!
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ChristineMarch 25, 2011 at 12:51 PM
You're right--everything has worked out so perfectly for your family. I'm so very excited and happy that Big Star will be home soon with his forever family!
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kellyMarch 25, 2011 at 4:06 PM
Oh that song is just perfect right now. It's time alright. I can't wait to see that boy in your arms!
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KatieMarch 25, 2011 at 8:10 PM
Great choice of song lyrics.....can't wait to follow your adventures in Seoul!
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IP JourneyMarch 25, 2011 at 11:07 PM
I am so happy for you guys and sad for his foster family...but I know they will be so happy to know that he is going to be with such a wonderful and loving family! Seoul is usually quite nice in April! Yeah!
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Annie BMarch 25, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Awww. Wow. It's here. Your patience and empathy for the foster family just floors me. Happy travels; I'm so happy for you.
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GraceMarch 26, 2011 at 8:13 PM
it's time! there are so many wild emotions that come with these final moments and i know they can (amazingly) all come at once. but more than anything, i am so overjoyed for you and cannot wait to see your story unfold as big star comes home. go get your boy!
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JoJoMarch 28, 2011 at 6:36 AM
You can be happy and excited. I have no doubt in the world that Big Star's foster family will know you empathize with their pain. Remember, all they want is for him to go to a family that loves him as much as they do, and he is. Don't forget to show them that too :) So incredibly happy for you guys!!
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Christine @ 12,450miles April 5, 2011 at 8:15 PM
OK... I can barely see through my tears here... It has truly been a perfect journey. One that I have been honored to follow. You've constantly inspired me (from your more post to your brothers post) and opened my heart and mind. So thank you.

Without a doubt, the foster family will know that Big Star will be loved more than words can say... and I really do feel as though this is a beginning for all of you. Hugs friend... enjoy this time.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.