Looking for Rainbows

I don't want to be that person.

I don't want to be the person that shoves it in people's faces that my child was "found" on a waiting child list. I don't want to be that person who tries to convince others that they should adopt a waiting child instead of waiting for a traditional referral. I don't want to be that person who is pushing specific waiting children on other families.

Partly because I cannot stand those people, no matter how nice or well meaning their intentions are, and partly because if I, before having my gut feelings body slam me to the floor last month, would never have really heard what they were saying anyway.

So I am only going to blog about this once and all I am going to say is this (and I really debated putting this here because I try not to "talk" to people other than myself and my kids on this blournal, but it has been sloshing around in my head so much that I strongly that have to get it out):

It doesn't hurt to look.

9 times out of 10 that's all it will be. Looking. 9 times out of 10 your family won't be the right family for the children on that list.

But sometimes, that 1 out of 10, your child might be on that list.

Your baby....because there are young babies on the list. Many. There are teething toddlers and little children who are completely healthy and just need someone to take a chance on them (and their odds are often HIGHLY stacked in their favor). There are young children who, for whatever reason, slipped through the cracks, got hidden in the sea of cute pictures, and are completely healthy, hindered only by the fact they've already celebrated their first birthday. Many, if not most of these children, will flourish in the right home and the term "waiting child" will fall away immediately. Of course, there are many children on the lists with serious needs, but the families who are right for them are probably already well aware of how to find them.

I wasted almost 3 entire months of my son's life (and ours) because I didn't get that these children on these waiting lists are actually real children, flesh and blood like my Little Bug.....WAITING. To me, they were just cute pictures I looked at with objective enjoyment and morbid curiosity like I surf other people's adoption blogs. They were unattainable, not real.

Seeing my son's updated pictures, reading his file, sending items in a care package, this has made it almost painful for me to look at the lists now. Instead of little thumbnail pictures of cute kids, I see a baby with 4 teeth who has ankle rolls or a little child who likes to play with dogs and cuddle at night. I hear a foster mother ask each month during the well baby check "why wouldn't anyone want this precious child?" I see babies and children. Real, attainable children who would undoubtedly be some family's greatest blessing. They just need the families that are meant for them to look.

Maybe I am just an idiot, but I think, for as cutesy and colorful as the waiting list logos might be, they are just plain scary to really think about....to consider. It's like there is a stigma that hangs over these children that seem too good to be true (even though the absolute reality is that most of the time they are just that good).

You know what is scarier to me than a waiting child list...being a mom. It's all about bravery. It's all about faith. It's all about following what feels right for your family. Most of the time that won't be adopting a child from a waiting child list, but....

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that Appa, Little Bug, and I needed to grow in the time between when I first saw Little Bro's picture and the time when I realized that we could actually inquire about him. The four of us have a long way to go, and it won't be anything near easy, especially in the months after Little Bro comes home, but at the end of the day, I am glad I looked for as long as it took.

Even if I had no idea what I was looking for at the time.