Daily Dose of Mama: Letting Go....

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Letting Go....

...can mean a lot of things.

It can be literal, as in "Today, for the first time ever, Little Bug let go of my hand not once, but twice, to walk on his own for an extended period of time outside. As much as I push him to walk alone, the first time he takes the initiative to drop my fingers, my inclination is to grab him and hold on tight."

Stop growing up, Little Bug. No, I don't mean that. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Sigh.

It can also mean shrugging off those nasty emotions that creep up on you. Like tonight, as I was patting my slumbering child, I got (for the first time ever) irrationally angry at his birth mother for his hypotonia and current struggles (read: and my struggles, which is just shameful of me to think). Little Bug's hypotonia is most likely the result of an undiagnosed genetic disorder, but it could also have been exacerbated significantly by certain choices his birth mother made.

The anger took me by surprise because I've never even considered his birth mother with regards to his special needs in all the time he has been home. In fact, I am sure she has no idea that he even has any special needs. To blame it on her (with no proof or real justification) was a weird feeling...one that I wanted to let go right away.

Because no matter what, it is obvious she loves Little Bug. Remember, 96% of women in her position chose not to spend 9 months pregnant to give their children life. She did the very best she could, and for that I am nothing but grateful.

3 comments:

JoJoJanuary 6, 2010 at 6:44 AM
I always appreciate your honesty 'Mama.' That is interesting that those emotions crept up on you like that. Sometimes those things come out of nowhere.
Personally, I'm not sure on the 96% statistic...I've heard that before, but you do know where that statistic came from? It seems VERY high to me.
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CoriJanuary 6, 2010 at 9:50 AM
JoJo,

The stat comes from a NY Times article. It seems ridiculously high to me as well. I certainly hope it is either overblown or being aggressively lowered. It's hard to think about a culture as beautiful as Korea having such desperate facet to it.
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JoJoJanuary 6, 2010 at 11:39 AM
Agreed...thanks for the follow-up.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.