I'm Pregnant.

You know, the paper kind.

Lately I have been getting that weird "paper pregnant" feeling. (By the way, I hate that term and think it is really lame, but it is appropriate for the context.) We've finished all our paperwork and are now just

w.
a.
i.
t.
i.
n.
g.

Granted, this wait is much different than the wait with Little Bug. With him it was the first and last thing I thought of each day. I would stare at the phone at work. I would daydream excessively. I would cry and wail and get angry and frustrated.

This time, it's been more laid back. I think part of it is because with Little Bug there was always this thought in the back of my head that is was all pretend, that it would never really happen. I'm now fairly confident that Little Bro will indeed "happen." In fact, filling out the paperwork was much more enjoyable this time because I could feel a more tangible connection to Little Bro.

But the daily obsession hasn't been there. In fact, until recently, we were intentionally dragging our feet. We were not ready...and now we are.

And suddenly, I am feeling like Little Bro is imminent and like he is already a part of our family. With that feeling comes the urge to have people validate his existence in our family and my heart. Pregnant women have their large round tummies; I've got a foster care license in my wallet. It's pretty flat.

A few days ago I was sitting in Little Bug's pediatrician's office waiting for the last bit of adoption paperwork to be completed. As I sat there, I thought forward to the time when I will be sitting in that very same chair with Little Bro. I had the overwhelming urge to blurt out to someone that I was his mother right now, too. That I was waiting for my son who is somewhere in the world right this second, living, breathing, laughing, or rather, for the sake of his foster mother, sleeping peacefully. (In fact, I did that very thing hours before we got Little Bug's referral paperwork....the nice man at the counter of the Italian restaurant we were at was very gracious.)

So, safe to say, since we went paper ready, Little Bro has been on my mind.

Ever since we decided to adopt another boy, and not a girl, I've been dreaming about getting my boys matching shirts, some form of Big Brother/Little Brother. I've been looking for weeks now for a "Little Bro" shirt (not "Lil Bro"). My dream was to have Little Bug wear his Big Brother shirt in a picture we would send over to Korea with the smaller shirt for Little Bro. Today, I found not exactly what I was looking for, but something equally as cool.

So I bought them.

I could have waited another month to order, but this way I get super cheap shipping and can have it ready for a care package to go immediately.

And it made me feel AMAZING to order two little shirts for my two little boys.

Because in case you haven't heard, I'm expecting....