A little spotted blanket with an elephant and a bird

Apparently I should never utter or write the words "ovaries are screaming" ever again.

Babies, specifically my future baby Little Bro, have been on the brain for the last few days. It's probably because people all around me are pregnant or waiting for a referral or waiting to travel, traveling etc. Refreshingly, unlike previous boughts of "Baby Brain," this one does not come with the intense urge to lock myself in my bedroom and cry my freaking eyes out while watching Jennifer Garner's character in "Juno." Instead, it's a truly all-around exciting time that I can’t help but get caught up in.

I think only mothers who have been in the adoption process can understand when I say I feel "pregnant" already. In my head, we are expecting a baby, and my mind is preparing as such. I don't often use that term, "paper pregnant" or whatever else, but the feelings behind theses phrases are very real.

So, tonight I went to Target, as I do 3-4 times a week. I can never help but go to the baby aisles to check out what new styling clothes I need for Little Bug. I always end up taking the route that takes me past the infant receiving aisle, you know that one, the one with soft blankets and onsies and gift packages that say "Our Newest Miracle" or "Hello World, I Have Arrived." There is one particular blanket that I take off the shelf every time and hold. It's the softest, cutest thing I have ever seen; and I desperately want it for Little Bro. There was only one left, and a quick Google search tells me that it's not something I will be able to readily find later.

However, I have plenty of soft blankets that are sitting unused. I apparently have a fondness for these sorts of things, because I HAD to have a number of specific ones for Little Bug, most of which he could care less about. The blanket that called to me hardcore last time was one that I couldn't convince myself to buy, so Little Bug's godmother bought it for him, and it traveled to Korea with us. Little Bug was unimpressed. Yet, the compulsion as I was holding that little blanket to buy it for Little Bro--buy SOMETHING special and specific for Little Bro to prove to myself that yes, he WILL one day be in my arms--was so strong that I had to war with myself for a solid minute before putting it back.

It just isn't time for that yet.

WooEEE. I've been so laid back about our second adoption, and for some reason it is starting to bubble up again…that adoption fervor. I'm trying valiantly to gently push it back down for the time being. I have a lot of things I need to happen before Little Bro comes around (Little Bug walking, seeing some of my friends welcome their babies home, seeing my BFF pop out Baby V, etc.) Maybe once those things happen I will allow myself to start working back into "Paper Pregnancy" mode. And honestly, the thought of having two babies right now scares the living crap out of me. It helps when I remind myself of that.

As for that little blanket, the plan for now is not to buy it, but as it is the LAST one, and as it is really just SO cute, I can't guarantee it won't be in my cart if I see it again.