Joyful Christmas

I've been searching for over a month for an ornament for Little Bro. It's a tradition that each child gets a special ornament each year, and although he isn't here with us, he is part of our family, and I desperately needed to prove that in the form of an ornament.

Unfortunately, most everything I found was painfully cheesy. I wanted something classy, whimsical, and representative of him. A tall order for a small object.

Coming to the end of the rope, I purchased a small bulb painted with Little Bro's name and the phrase "waiting for...." It incorporated his "Big Star" name, and I liked that. But as cute as it is, I look at it hanging on our tree, and it makes me sad. The "waiting for" part always jumps out at me, and I find myself frowning in self pity as I read it.

How merry of me.

A sweet and talented friend of mine also has a second son in Korea who won't be home for this holiday. She had mentioned that they were designing a special ornament to represent his place in their family and offered to make one for me, too. I accepted without seeing the design she had in mind.

When I opened the e-mail a couple nights ago to see the mock up, I was blown away. It was completely unlike anything I had expected or envisioned. The design was classy and whimsical and prominently displaying a favorite recent picture of Little Bro. But the thing that really stood out to me was the simple phrase beneath his picture.

"Joyful Christmas" in Hangul and English.

That was it. No waiting for this or missing him that. Just a picture of my son and a reminder that the fact he is my son makes for a very joyful Christmas. Because at the very root of the matter, that is what matters. His presence in our lives during this Christmas.

And yep, that makes this holiday really joyous.

That ornament is now hanging prominently in the front of our tree where I can see it from across the room. Instead of looking at it and frowning in self pity, I look at it and am so ridiculously happy.

It's also been an eye-opening reminder to me about this process in general. I can choose to focus on the sad parts (the waaaaaaait), or I can choose to focus on the joyful parts (the anticipation, the future). So even though it's just an ornament, it's taken on a big meaning for me this Christmas. I know for years to come when I hang it on the tree I will tell Little Bro about how loved he was this Christmas and how happy we were that he was joining our family.

Thanks, S (and B), for the gentle and unintentional reminder I needed as we head into the home stretch of the holidays.

Although I try not to link to things, I wanted to share the link to this ornament with others who might be in the same spot I am. There might still be time to get it on your tree this holiday.

Because no matter how long we have to wait, the fact that we get the chance to one day be the parents to these children is so incredibly amazing.