The Unintended Road (a little father along)

A brief break from Adoptivus memories because there is another memory I wanted to write about...this one just 1 year old.

One year ago I wrote a post on this blournal that has always stuck with me. As we celebrated our first Family Day, I was privately coming to terms with the reality that Little Bug's special needs were not going to be a quick fix like I had hoped. I was in a bad place, although I think I handled it pretty well outwardly. It was hard for me to come to accept the reality of Little Bug's limitations and my challenges because of them. I was worried about the future. I was tired. I was scared. I was a little mad.

Now, being in some part of that future, I reflect back on the mother who wrote that post and how things have changed.

Obviously Little Bug has made some huge strides in the last year. The physical challenges that exhausted me then are mainly a thing of the past. He's communicating more and more. He's happy and healthy. Those pesky braces are gone. He's a joy to be around. I'm ridiculously proud of him.

Yet, just two days ago, during a particularly sour afternoon that started with me having to take off work to clean my house for a therapy meeting, his PT officially assessed his gross motor at 15-18 months....Little Bug is 34 months old.

A year ago that would have ruined my week. Instead, I held back the tears and rallied. I thought about all the progress he has made and reminded myself that he would continue to make more. Within a few hours, I wasn't even thinking about it anymore.

That's what the future that I couldn't see a year ago is. It's not about a "cure" or "catching up." It's about being at peace with wherever he is...wherever we are.

It's about walking the road with the conviction that we can, not just the conviction that we must.

The unintended road. The road I never would have chosen for myself. The road that is leading me to discover an ability to find beauty in the smallest details, like a smile, a muscle compression, a step, a gentle touch. The road that is leading me to discover patience and the ability the grieve without bitterness. The road that is leading me to discover acceptance.

The road that led us to discover a bravery that led us to our big star and another unintended road that I cannot wait to travel.

Just like a year ago, I reflect on my time as Little Bug's mother, and I know I would not change it for the world. Every scoot, every crawl, every step, every trot, every 2-word combination. Last year the bad days (emotionally) often outweighed the good days, but now, a bit further along the road, the good days FAR outweigh the bad. Some days I am still scared or sad, but the truth is I'm really happy.

I'm thankful this is the road that was chosen for me when I didn't know any better. I see the road stretch out for years ahead of us and know for our family, there will be more "unintended roads" to come....intentionally.

I can't wait.