Daily Dose of Mama: I Don't Know What the Crap I am Doing

Monday, June 14, 2010

I Don't Know What the Crap I am Doing

Tonight I momentarily wowed some friends with my attempts to potty train Little Bug (and by attempt, I mean sit his freshly scrubbed, post-diaper change butt on his kiddy potty in exchange for three small discs of chocolate and a ton of fake clapping). When they asked me how it was going, I gave them the truth.

I don't know what the crap I am doing.

Seriously, beyond potty training, which I have absolutely no clue about other than the desired end result, that could be my mantra for motherhood. I don't know what the crap I am doing; I'm reading books and getting advice, but totally winging it. I haven't found the How to Raise Little Bug book yet...probably because I am writing it.

There is an incredible blog that I read, Uncharted Parent, and the author's tag line is "Because every parent goes where no parent has gone before." It's literally one of the most practical, logical, and beautiful ways of putting parenthood that I have ever encountered. (You have no idea how much I wish that phrase had come out of my head. I covet.)

I can't know what I am doing raising Little Bug because no one in the world has ever raised this child at this age. All I can do is my very best, learn from my mistakes, and focus on this child at this time. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing because they have not already walked in these footsteps.

That takes a whole lot of pressure off us mamas, no?

11 comments:

everythingismeowsomeJune 15, 2010 at 6:31 AM
I'm right there with you. Somehow we all make it on our own way, and hopefully the kids end up halfway adjusted! Keep up the good work!
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TiffanyJune 15, 2010 at 6:39 AM
I love that quote....and it totally made my morning after a frustrating evening with friends and discussions of parenthood. Thank you.
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JoJoJune 15, 2010 at 6:45 AM
For sure!! Love this post.
Sometimes I'm so confident and other times I'm constantly questioning myself.
I find I judge other parents a lot less now that I'm a parent :)
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Annie BJune 15, 2010 at 10:42 AM
Thanks, it's good to keep remembering this. I'll have to check out that blog...
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BirdieJune 15, 2010 at 11:15 AM
I am sort of tempted to forward this post to some well meaning relatives - but I'll pass due to their "well-meaningness." You said it perfectly: this child; this age. I really did my best "parenting" before I was parent - that's when I had ALL the answers, and no knowledge. Wonderful post again.
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KristenJune 15, 2010 at 12:39 PM
As Birdie just posted, I am very tempted to email this to some ever-so-helpful advice givers. Hmm, I may steal this for my blog...

What you wrote is the absolute best advice for every parent and parent-to-be. You can read all the books & talk to all the parents in your life, but at the end of the day, its all about figuring out each of your children and that's a learn-as-you-go process. Its a reminder I often need :)
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sueJune 15, 2010 at 3:58 PM
awesome post! i think you are doing a great job. seriously, every kid is different. i learn it more and more each day. and i love that they are different and we have to figure out what works for our kid. it's so rewarding when you figure out what he/she needs/wants. i love that feeling.
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KaraJune 15, 2010 at 4:19 PM
I don't know what the crap I am doing either! Sometimes I just cross my fingers and go with it!
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BekahJune 15, 2010 at 4:33 PM
Oh...I heart this post. It's true...I often think..."What the crap am I doing?" The good news is that A seems happy and healthy, so I think it's going ok. I did have a thought today that I am now a pro at getting him in and out of the car seat (something that used to take me several minutes to do). So, I guess I'm doing ok. ;)

Oh...and you're doing a great job. Little bug is an awesome little guy & you guys are awesome parents!
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kellyJune 16, 2010 at 7:45 PM
Love it - so true.
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Christine @ 12,450miles June 17, 2010 at 8:09 PM
Am I the only one who finds this title oh-so-appropriate for the opening paragraph?! I must still be in high school.

Oh-so-true. I might need to design that saying into a poster and hang it in S's room.
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.