The last few days have been stressful for me. I'm slammed at work. Appa was out of town. I'm overly anxious for an expected update on Little Bro. Things are completely stalled with Little Bro's adoption paperwork and the implications of the stall (and the lack of support from those whose help we sought) are heartbreaking. Yesterday I sat at my desk and cried.
I'm not a crying at work sort of gal.
The one thing that keeps running through my head is to put on my game face. I don't really see any other choice.
I have to put on my game face at work. I can't ruin my reputation of being even-headed and calm and professional over personal stress. And yes, the amount of work that fell in my lap this week is unholy. But I can either turn it into an opportunity to show that I can handle the pressure or I can turn into the girl that cries at her desk when things get tough.
Game face.
I have to put on my game face for Little Bro. Amid my heartbreak and frustration and fear over the stall in his paperwork, and more recently, my hurt, confusion, and sadness over the growing fissure of a relationship I had counted on to advocate and support our family through this process, I have to stay calm and get my questions answered in respectful, yet satisfactory way. I owe it to my son to do whatever it takes to make sure he is not waiting longer than absolutely necessary. Tears and anger are not going to get me anywhere.
Game face.
Most of all, I have to put my game face on for Little Bug. He doesn't care about my work, nor does he care about his brother's paperwork. All he cares about is that his mama is there to play with him after being away all day. That she is there to laugh at his new dance moves, sing his favorite songs to him, and play our new favorite game, "silly eyes." Over the last few days, I've caught myself frowning as I mull over all the stressors I'm dealing with. I catch his eye and see him falter, confused as to why I'm unhappy with him. He's way too young to know anything of stress or to understand why I might be stressed. All he knows is what he senses and sees from me.
Game face.
Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear about the stall in paperwork. How about the update you were expecting? Did that not happen? (((((Hugs))))
ReplyDeleteYou are right about the game face with Little Bug and at work. If anyone can pull it off, it's you. You're strong.
Thanks, Kris. The update keeps getting pushed off...the earliest it could come in tomorrow, but it could very well be next week.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I think it's great that you can see the reasons *why* you need to keep your game face on. I know it is really difficult to do but you are a strong person and I know you can do it!! Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you do have a lot of stress right now! Hang in there--everything will work out and be okay. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are feeling let down. Kris is right, you are strong...and a little blournaling to pull yourself together may be just what you needed. I hope LB's update comes soon. That will give you a whole new spring in your step.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that your agency(?) isn't supportive about the slowdown, but I hope you're finding the support you need elsewhere. And yeah, it doesn't help to be a blubbery mess all the time at work, but cut yourself some slack. You're human. Love your attitude, though. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI hate when everything seems to get complicated all at once - GGGRRRRR! Hoping this weekend gives you a much needed break to re-energize.
ReplyDeleteI agree with these ladies - if anyone can handle this craziness, it's you. But it's no fun trying to pull it off! You have a lot of balls in the air and I'm hoping that things calm down a bit for you. Hoping you get that update soon!
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