Beware the Snark

In the last few weeks, I've been moved a number of times to do something I never used to do.

Comment on an online news article.

The people who comment on online news articles are primarily idiots who are most likely unemployed, barely literate (but kudos for stopping by a news site on your way to your p*rn sites), and looking something to do other than scratch themselves. Okay, maybe not, but that sentence is the type of thing people who comment on news articles like to write to each other as they bicker and insult each other…oh wait, what were we actually talking about? An actual piece of news?

Nah, let's go back to over generalizing, stereotyping, preaching, and being rude--all about topics we know nothing about.

Unfortunately for me, it seems like these special people gravitate toward a topic that I also gravitate toward…adoption. Fantastic.

No matter what the article is about (pro or con adoption), there is a loud group who likes to turn up their country music, turn down the court TV, pop open a new one, hop on their favorite online news organization comment feature, and rail about how people who adopt internationally should

1. listen to God when he is telling you that you just should not be parents
2. adopt one of those trillions of American babies who need homes (usually backed up by completely made-up facts they heard down at the opening of Moe's Burger Shack)
3. not overpopulate our great country by bringing "foreign" kids in to pollute our language and take our jobs.

Or maybe, if they are feeling feisty, they might drop some sort of racial comment, because there is no better way to prove your intelligence than being a racist a-hole.

In the past I have never scrolled down far enough on the page to see or read the comments, but lately I have been. I shouldn't, but I can't not. Now that I know the ridiculousness that goes on there, I feel this intense need to respond with some sort of reality and protect the FACTS, both good and bad, that surround adoption.

You know, like ALL kids deserve love, no matter what country they were from; all international adoptions are not based on some crazy child trafficking scheme and a set of greedy white parents who slink into a back alley, grab a kid out of a box (not making this up, someone actually suggested children in China are sold out of boxes to American tourists); that domestic and foster adoption is not easy, quick, or inexpensive; that international adoption is not easy, quick, or inexpensive; and that kids can't waltz into this country with proper documents. Ask any family who knows what the I-600 form is and watch them laugh you all the way back to your scratching chair.

So, a couple times I have registered with these sites and responded with a logical, thought out, fact driven comment. Wouldn't you know it, no one ever responses to my comments (and I rarely even get "liked"). They just glide right over it as they continue to rant at each other over their views on God, equality, patriotism, and intelligence. I used to (like last week, this isn't a long-term hobby for me) be sad about this. I worried people would read these comments and be turned off from the joys of adoption.

But the more I read, the more I think that these are the people who should most definitely not be adopting a child. It's bad enough that the children they have most likely biologically created will grow up with the same penchant for idiocy. There is a reason I don't read and respond to these comments, and I need to remember that and walk away slowly. These are not my peeps, and I don't get anything good from them. I am beginning to see that I can't give them anything good, either.

So, to all my not-friends at those online news sites, I leave you with one last comment, because I will no longer be scrolling through your comments and leaving my own.

CJS writes:
My family is built through international adoption. Our choices for adopting are our own, and are none of your business, but rest assured, we feel that this was God's plan for us. I'm so sorry he forgot to give you an explanation on his plan for our family. Oversight, I am sure. Anyway, we did extensive research before deciding on an ethical agency that would help us adopt from a country with an ethical program. By "ethical" I mean more than just a flashy Web site and a tear-jerker YouTube video channel. My son, although not white or born in the United States, is going to be an excellent citizen of this country and this world. He will grow up to be respectful, tolerant, smart, and empathetic and will work in a respectable job that will help our economy and provide for his family (you know, when he gets older. He's only 2 right now, but still fair game to insult, obviously). He deserved love and a family just as much as any other child does. Although we might have indeed paid adoption fees equal to the amount of a nice new car, I would ask how much you spent on your hospital trip and the first 10 months of your biological baby's life. About the price of a new car? Oh, weird. I guess that is how much it costs to provide and take care of an infant. But, I get it, it's not the same because I wrote one big check and you wrote like 10 checks and put the rest on your credit card. (I wonder who made more profit on those checks though? My non-profit adoption agency or your hospital and diaper/formula/big box store providers? Curious.) Although we did not adopt through the domestic or foster program, we will be more than happy to support you in any way we can should you choose to adopt through these excellent programs. We know many people who have done just that and have wonderful families. God is happy for them, too. Did he tell you that about them? No? Huh, that's odd. I think you will find it to be an incredibly difficult process, but based on your passionate feelings on overpopulation and not bringing "foreigners" into our country, I am assuming you are planning to adopt instead of having biological children. I mean, wouldn't your kids technically be German/English/Irish anyway? What makes a kid an American? Having American parents? That's what the government says anyway, but OH RIGHT, our government is secretly trying to take down our country. I know that's not the topic we are on, but I think it is good to throw that in there every once and a while. Best to ask Big Al down at the Stop N Shop what he thinks about the issue (adoption, not government, his bumper stickers make it clear how he feels about that). Make sure to clarify with him what constitutes a "family." If it's blood, well, you and your wife have some BIG problems. Big Al never told you that you could only marry your sister in order to have a "real" family built with blood. Man, this whole adoption thing is getting confusing. Perhaps we should just make up some wild figures and facts to make us feel better about not knowing a thing about it. Right after Judge Judy is over, of course. Oh, and could you pass me the spicy cheese puffs?