Daily Dose of Mama: Where's My Cape?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Where's My Cape?

I don't think I have bad self esteem when it comes to being a mother, but I certainly don't fancy myself anything special. I think that inherently most first-time mothers feel inadequate a lot of the time...it doesn't feel good to be "winging it" with something as important as your first born. I try my hardest, but I'm always on the look out for ways to improve.

Today was a rare moment when I felt like a freaking Super Mom. The most ironic part about the moment was that I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. We were driving to the grocery store, and I was singing myself hoarse with "If You're Happy and You Know It" while Little Bug was laughing hysterically behind me. I was on my way to buy, amongst other things, a store bought chicken pot pie to feed Little Bug for dinner because, as always, I didn't feel like cooking...not exactly the stereotypical Home Cooking with a Lace Apron Mother. I was plotting ways to occupy Little Bug this evening so I could spend time stalking a blog of my friend who just brought her son home from Korea...Educator Mom of the Year right here! It was raining, and I didn't bother with an umbrella or jacket for the quick dash into the store...Uber Organized Mom, for sure.

Despite all this, running into the store with my 30 lb, laughing baby cuddling into me and sticking his chubby finger into my mouth to get me to keep singing to him, I had this overwhelming thought that

I am a freaking awesome mom.

I work all day and continue to cultivate adult relationships, come home and essentially parent my son on my own for the next few hours; work on his therapy, feed him, love him, clean him, play with him....and I like it and I'm pretty decent at it. Little Bug is a happy, well adjusted child making huge strides.

By the time I hit the check out line with my cart full of things I probably didn't need, my son whining because he wasn't getting a balloon (seriously, how many balloons does a grocery store need!?!), and the movie I wanted to rent not in the Red Box, I wasn't feeling cape-worthy anymore. The moment had past, probably as it should.

But perhaps when Little Bug is older I can start telling him some bed time stories about the dynamic duo of Everyday Mama and Little Bug.

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Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.