My One and Only Giveaway

I truly try to keep this blog more of a blournal and less of a "blog," but occasionally I feel compelled to use it for less blournaly purposes. Tonight is one of them. Stick with me, to see how you can win something from the awesome Kimchi Keepsakes and these gems.

My friend, Tracy, needs help. Or more accurately, my friend Tracy needs help helping her daughter. You can read her story here, but the short version is Tracy and her family have scrapped and saved and cooked and fund-raised and sacrificed to earn every penny they need to adopt a 3-year-old girl with significant special needs from Korea (a fellow RainbowKid like my Little Bro). A little girl who was just months away from being doomed for a group home. A little girl who needs someone in her corner for the rest of her life. A little girl that most of us could not be brave or strong enough to raise. A girl they desperately have fought for and love with all their hearts. A girl they are naming Emi Faith.

Because of Emi's age and special needs, the agency has told Tracy she cannot travel alone; however, her family cannot fund three tickets (Tracy, Emi, and someone else). Tracy's husband has to stay home to attend to the needs of one of their other children. Tracy hasn't been able to find anyone else who can fund their own ticket and take the full week out of their lives to travel over to help her. She had someone who can travel, but can't afford the ticket. Tracy is traveling in 4 weeks and has no idea how someone is going to be able to come with her. In case you are curious, a ticket is around $1200.

A movement in the forums has been started to help fund a companion ticket. It is as simple as going to her blog and donating whatever strikes your heart by using her secure Donate button. Don't get me wrong, I know how money is for everyone right now. It's right after the holidays, and many people reading this blog are probably saving for their own adoption expenses. But I also know that five or ten people donating a small amount can equal something substantial for Tracy.

For my one and only giveaway, I want to help Tracy by giving away an awesome set of Uncle Goose Korean Character Blocks

AND something of the winner's choice from Kimchi Keepsakes. Perhaps a buckwheat travel pillow for you or your little one; an apron for your budding chef, a custom pendant, or whatever strikes your fancy. I'll draw the winners on Sunday, January 16, which marks 11 months since they committed to adopt Miss Emi.

I've got a couple ways for you to get entered:

1. Go to Tracy's blog and donate through her button (it would be anonymous to everyone but you and Tracy), come back and leave a message here letting me know you donated (I moderate comments, so let me know if you would like me to keep your comment private). I don't care how much you donate and please don't tell me. Even the most humble of donations matter. Truly, they do. I'll give you one entry into the drawing. AND, AS A BONUS, ENTER THE WORDS "DONATION MATCH-LADYBUG" AND A WONDERFUL MAMA WILL MATCH YOUR DONATION!
   
2. Second, if you post something about Tracy's story on your blog, come back and leave me a message, and I will enter you a second time. Same with Facebook or Twitter. Each notation will be one entry. (But please, don't link this blog on Twitter directly...Twitter still creeps me out a bit.)
3. Third, if someone that hasn't already entered via this blog post leaves a note on your blog saying they also donated, I'll give you FIVE entries. (a la, a donation spurred by your post and not mine.)

You don't have to link back to this blog at all. I'm not looking for followers here....I'm looking for donation there. Tell Tracy's story in your own words or link to mine...it makes no difference to me.

But it will make a BIG difference to her. This sweet little girl and this brave mama deserve all the support we can give them.

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Last night my son was wired in a great way (as best as a child can be wired at bedtime). He was being silly and happy and seriously enjoying being alive. Normally I attempt to squash bedtime sillies to preserve our calm rainbows/unicorns/soft puppies bedtime routine, but last night I couldn't stand to shut him down. He was too happy, and it was infectious.

Seriously, sometimes you have to screw the sleep training ideas.

As I tried to fit Little Bug into his jammies, he stood up on his bed and started jumping fast and hard while holding my hands. (Again, normally something I don't allow, but our calm zone was already demolished at that point.) He would jump a few times while chanting something and then fall down in a heap of laughter, only to get back up and do it again. It took me a couple goes to realize what he was doing.


Ashes, ashes, we all fall doooooooooown.

My baby was singing. A song that he was pulling the words and tune from memory. Yes, the words were in his own special garble, but they were as fully formed as he could get and very intentional. The tune was spot on.

It was so developmentally appropriate that it made my heart nearly burst.

Little Bug has always loved music. Since the moment he was born, music has been his trigger of joy and peace. I love the fact that he is finally able to participate in the music, not just experience it.

Making a Home in 2011

I'm not being dramatic when I admit that I kind of suck at being a homemaker. Despite being raised by a wonderful stay-at-home-mom who cooked every night and made our Halloween costumes; having a sister who feels guilty if her floors are not spotless and actually studies a homemaker's guide that was published at the turn of the century; and being raised in a culture where every Tuesday night from ages 12-18 I spent an hour or two in an organized class learning some sort of housekeeping skill like ironing dress shirts, sewing, scrap booking, knitting, and cooking; I am a horrible homemaker.

Appa totally got hoodwinked when he signed up for this domestic goddess.

I don't have good cleaning skills. I'm like a binge and purge cleaner. Dishes will sometimes sit in my sink for days or my dust bunnies will earn the right to register to vote in their corner precincts, but when I do clean, I am all over every little detail, from the baseboards to the inside of the stove vent. That just doesn't happen very often, and even less now that Little Bug is around. I'm a good, but inconsistent cleaner.

Last year I made a lot of New Year's resolutions that I thought were simple and manageable. Turns out, my single resolution should have been to keep my resolutions. I made decent progress on about half my goals (and considering that I am typing this while drinking a DDP, failed miserably with others).

This year I decided to try a new approach.

New Month Resolutions.

My theme for the year will be, to steal a phrase from a brilliant friend of mine, home care. Each month I will select a very small detail of home care that I can focus on. Conventional wisdom and inspirational posters tell me that 21 days will be all I need to make that small change in home care a habit.

My NMRs will be small because I know myself, and lofty goals just aren't working for this working mama. I'm still trying to think about which habit I will undertake for January, but I plan to document it on my blournal so I can hold myself accountable.

I'll tell you what it won't be....this giving up DDP completely crazy talk.

Baby Bird

When I am sleepy I either get sassy or sappy. Last night it was sappy.

As I laid in bed last night with Little Bug (after he had ended up back in our bed) nestled in between Appa and I, I got to thinking about nests.

Yes, like a bird's nest. Because when I am sleepy and sassy or sappy, I am also mildly delusional.

Little Bug is the sweetest, most horrible bed mate. He flips and turns and burrows into you. He wants nothing more than to be cuddled up against you and will usually push Appa off the bed at night from attempting to get closer and closer to him. Last night, though, he seemed pretty peaceful in his little dinosaur jammies. He alternated between spooning me while his hand rested on his dada and resting his head in the crook of Appa's arm while his little toes burrowed into my side.

In my sleepy/sappy state I imagined him protected safely in a little nest we had made for him, protected from cold and monsters and everything else in the world. Then I started thinking about all the other times I make a "nest" for him. The way I wrap my arms around him as he sits in my lap, the way his beloved raggies nest around him each night as he sleeps, each one touching some part of his face or hands or feet. The whole thing seemed so warm and cozy and idealic. Such a lovely thing for a child to experience.

Such a lovely thing for me to experience him experiencing.

I love being a mama bird.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is one of those days where the past, the present, and the future all seem to blend together. (Dickens seriously knew his stuff.) Every year I find myself reminiscing with such clarity of Christmas Eve's in my past.

The first year I got up the guts to peek out of my room before my parents gave the okay and saw the exciting outline of what was a Strawberry Shortcake Dream House (23 years ago tonight). The year "Santa" announced we were having another baby by leaving a fifth stocking out and my sister's furious reaction (16 years ago tonight). The night my dad booby trapped the stairs with a bucket of buttons that fell on my head, only to have me scream bloody murder and wake the whole house up (include above mentioned new baby) because I was convinced it was a bucket of nails (18 years ago tonight). The 20+ nights my sister and I called a truce on our hatred and came together for a "sleep over" and night spent sitting next to the Christmas tree. Christmas Eve has produced many of my favorite memories, and tonight, as I sit here alone by my Christmas tree, those memories decades old seem so close.

Of course, the Christmas Present is pretty amazing, too. I spent the evening surrounded by family in my home, with my decorations, and my traditions. I cheered my son on as he unwrapped a gift all by himself for the first time ever. As I laid next to him tonight while he feel asleep, I silently prayed a Christmas prayer of thanks for allowing my the privilege of having such a beautiful family.

And Christmas Future: As close as past memories feel to me tonight, the looming present feels equally as real. In just 365 days I'll be right here again, in this room, with these decorations adorning a tree. This moment will be one of those Christmas Past moments I look back on with fondness. Instead of one little boy slumbering away upstairs, there will be two. Seriously, how lucky am I? And the year after that and the year after that and the year after that. Train tables will give way to bikes and video games that will give way to iPods and computers. The one thing that won't change will be this moment, after they go to sleep, when it's just me and the tree and my grateful heart.

So, although I should be in bed preparing for a long day, I'm instead tucked away with my thoughts on my favorite night of the year.

A Peek Inside at 2:45

What does a 3 year old think about at 2:45 in the morning when he doesn't feel like sleeping?

Santa, reindeer, choo choos, bounce houses, school, mama and dada's bed, Good Night Moon, Bee Bim Bop (the book and the food), Obama (grandma), his brother, an elephant, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, fire trucks, buses, and an advent calendar with M&Ms.

It was fascinating and horrible all at once to listen to my son jabber happily away about whatever was on his mind....for 5 hours in the middle of the night.

Joyful Christmas

I've been searching for over a month for an ornament for Little Bro. It's a tradition that each child gets a special ornament each year, and although he isn't here with us, he is part of our family, and I desperately needed to prove that in the form of an ornament.

Unfortunately, most everything I found was painfully cheesy. I wanted something classy, whimsical, and representative of him. A tall order for a small object.

Coming to the end of the rope, I purchased a small bulb painted with Little Bro's name and the phrase "waiting for...." It incorporated his "Big Star" name, and I liked that. But as cute as it is, I look at it hanging on our tree, and it makes me sad. The "waiting for" part always jumps out at me, and I find myself frowning in self pity as I read it.

How merry of me.

A sweet and talented friend of mine also has a second son in Korea who won't be home for this holiday. She had mentioned that they were designing a special ornament to represent his place in their family and offered to make one for me, too. I accepted without seeing the design she had in mind.

When I opened the e-mail a couple nights ago to see the mock up, I was blown away. It was completely unlike anything I had expected or envisioned. The design was classy and whimsical and prominently displaying a favorite recent picture of Little Bro. But the thing that really stood out to me was the simple phrase beneath his picture.

"Joyful Christmas" in Hangul and English.

That was it. No waiting for this or missing him that. Just a picture of my son and a reminder that the fact he is my son makes for a very joyful Christmas. Because at the very root of the matter, that is what matters. His presence in our lives during this Christmas.

And yep, that makes this holiday really joyous.

That ornament is now hanging prominently in the front of our tree where I can see it from across the room. Instead of looking at it and frowning in self pity, I look at it and am so ridiculously happy.

It's also been an eye-opening reminder to me about this process in general. I can choose to focus on the sad parts (the waaaaaaait), or I can choose to focus on the joyful parts (the anticipation, the future). So even though it's just an ornament, it's taken on a big meaning for me this Christmas. I know for years to come when I hang it on the tree I will tell Little Bro about how loved he was this Christmas and how happy we were that he was joining our family.

Thanks, S (and B), for the gentle and unintentional reminder I needed as we head into the home stretch of the holidays.

Although I try not to link to things, I wanted to share the link to this ornament with others who might be in the same spot I am. There might still be time to get it on your tree this holiday.

Because no matter how long we have to wait, the fact that we get the chance to one day be the parents to these children is so incredibly amazing.