Little Bro,Today we received close to 1,000 pictures and video of you. Pictures from when you were just 8 weeks old to pictures of you crawling and walking and now running.
Even though I am blessed to have many of these same pictures of your older brother, seeing your pictures now, before I have met you, has allowed me to feel like I know you in some way. I know what you look like smiling and sleeping and snotty and drooly and angry and tired and bored and amused and curious. I know how sure of your feet you are now, and how tentative you used to be. I know what your first baby smile looked like and how your voice sounded just as you were finding it. I know what you chose on your Tol, and I know how you only chose your item after a melt down, cuddles from Omma and Appa, and a bottle break.
I'll never be the same.
This wait is awful, and I think it was/is bound to get worse, but being able to share this history with you...having more pictures than day left waiting....it makes it so much more bearable, makes you so much more real. It makes the wait more unreal than you.
I feel so guilty that I got this blessing and others have not. I can't wrap my mind around how randomly lucky I am.
Seeing these pictures today also made me very sad. Not that I was missing these moments with you, but that these beautiful moments are temporary for this family who clearly loves you as a son with a passion that oozes from every film cell. It makes my heart hurt in a way I won't be able to sooth for the rest of my life.
Because I feel like I know them now, too.
As I sit here tonight with your big brother curled up against me, my heart is filled with thoughts of you and him and your families in Korea.
And my heart is so very full tonight.
Such a blessing indeed! I'm super emotional about this gift of pictures for you, so I can only imagine your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredible. I'm so happy for you and your family to have received such a gift!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I LOVE that picture.
One of my favorite parts of that picture is if you look closely, the candles on it are an "I," a heart, and a star......"I love Big Star."
ReplyDeleteOn the packaging they sent the CDs in they drew stars next to his name. I love that they have embraced the Big Star name as much as we have.
Cori, this is beautiful. I'm filled with emotions myself and this is not even my child. I can only imagine the mix of emotions you've been feeling as soon as you got those photos. So many! So blessed! Big Star's foster family loves him so very, very much. I have a feeling that given how long he will be living with them, they will become a part of your family, too, after he comes home. They seem like such special people. I love this photo.
ReplyDeleteI love that in addition to getting to know Little Bro, you are also getting to know his foster family. You know from adopting once already how special your child's foster family will always be and its so great to be able to actually see them loving your child.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful gift! We also got so many video clips and photos we are so thankful for but do feel sad that others do not get those.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a blessing for you all! I'm so happy that you received all of those pictures. How wonderful to be able to know Big Star more and get a clear idea of his life in Korea. I love, love, love that the family put an i, a heart, and a star.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. Amazing! I've got so many emotions just knowing about this, so I can't even really imagine how you feel...
ReplyDeleteThis has touched me to my soul and inspired me. Thank you SO much for sharing it.
i'm in tears reading this. beautifully written, my friend. i imagine you looking at all these photos multiple times a day - it is truly an amazing gift to not only have them, but to see how much little bro is loved.
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