A Penny for His Thoughts

I'm dying to know what is going on inside Little Bug's head. I've always wondered what Little Bug might be thinking or dreaming about (especially when he was little and would laugh or cry in his sleep), but now I KNOW there is something interesting going on in my kid's brain...and I want in.

Lately Little Bug has taken to talking in his sleep (he takes after his mama, who has been know, no joke, to sleep walk into another room and ask her parents to "take me to your leader" or murmur to her husband in her sleep that "all I ever want to do is own a kitchen sink with you"...romantic, I know). He usually say "no" or "dada" or "mama" in his sleep, but we've also heard him say "choo choo," "Elmo," and "banana" a few times. He laughs occasionally in his sleep, too. According to some quick online research, age 2 is when kids start to dream about their daily lives with an imaginative spin. Is Little Bug dreaming about riding a choo choo shaped like a banana with Appa, Elmo, and I? I kinda hope so.

Even more than dreaming, I'm dying to be able to communicate more with Little Bug. Ever since our awful night routine ended and things evened out, Little Bug has added one new segment. After the lights are out and the nightlight is on and he is cuddled in my arms in the rocking chair, he will sit up and start saying things...things about his day. For example, last night's "conversation" went like this:

"Choo choo" with the sign for play. (We bought him a new train set yesterday.)
"Tent....in." (He played in his tent yesterday.)
"Dinner. Bib....on." (He calls all meals "dinner" and he is obsessed with putting on his bibs, which he actually calls "Bob.")
"Dada" with the sign for play.
"Fishies, on." (His fish music player was playing softly in the background.)

The whole time he was making eye contact with me and very deliberately telling me what I can only surmise was a run down on his day. Then he said "Mama," touched my face, and put his thumb in his mouth and was ready to go to sleep.

I know Little Bug won't always want to end his days by giving his mama a play-by-play, but until that day comes, I'm going to enjoy every little glimpse of his thoughts that he wants to share with me.

Oh, Irony

I wrote a post today essentially complaining about various menial things that were making me blue.

Then I read a post on a bulletin board and thought, "wow, this lady is just listing off random little things to complain about....probably because she is in a bad mood. She needs to stop and listen to herself."

Oh, giggle.

So I deleted my post, pulled up my big girl pants, and had a little laugh at myself. I'm still in a blue mood, but I'm not going to be that woman.

Happy Friday.

Angel Baby

Last night was charmed in my home. I went out for a cocktail with a friend, picked a happy Little Bug up from school, had an uneventful dinner where Little Bug ate a good amount of food without throwing it on the ground, and then we went outside until it was time for bed. Hearing the squeals of delight and laughter and watching Little Bug practice his mall walking skills was balm to my frazzled soul. Oh, and speaking of bedtime, he cuddled right into me and slept like a rock, especially when I transferred him to his bed 10 minutes later. Appa and I got to cuddle and watch LOST together like an actual married couple and our kid had to be woken up this morning.

No tantrums. Not a one. No sleep issues. Not a one.

I'm not worried about jinxing myself because I still have 8+ months of the blasted 2s, but for one night, it was perfect. And we needed it.

In my mind, this was the end of The Great Hell Week 2010. Sure, I expect we will still see the normal fits, but I think he's past through his growth spurt pains for now, and we can get back to enjoying our charmed life with our angel baby.

Vindicated, But Not Happy About It

Let's be clear. I don't like it when my child or my husband is distressed.

But I also don't like it when my husband thinks I might be over-exaggerating the extent of Little Bug and my struggles with "night night" time last week.

When Little Bug freaked out as Appa tried to rock him last night (usually a very special and calm time for us), there was a small part of me that was satisfied that he would see what I was talking about.

One hour later, I took pity on them both and tagged in.

Two hours later, Appa had to tag back in.

Three hours later, I tagged back in. By this point, any satisfaction I had felt was replaced with a draining fatigue and frustration. It's not like Little Bug was having a great time, either. He would sleep on us, but would immediately wake up in hysterics if we attempted to move him to his crib.

I'm not really sure how I did it, but about 3.5 hours after his normal bedtime, Little Bug was slumbering peacefully in his crib.

I was vindicated, but instead of satisfaction, I just felt bad for us all. Hopefully this phase passes soon, just like they all do.

"Just the Two of Us" is Not My Favorite Song

Oy, baby. Mama feels the same way.

This week has been a rough week for me fatigue-wise because of my virus. I've been super busy at work and just really burning at both ends. Friday I had my first Red Bull in 8 years...longer if you consider there was no vodka in it. It made me feel like I was on some great drug. I need to stay far away from that stuff going forward.

This week Little Bug started going through one heck of a growth spurt that significantly altered his mood (which is already manic as hell because he is 2), his eating (no 2-year-old should pack in 3 eggs, fruit, and cheese and ask for a 4th egg one breakfast and then toss the next morning's breakfast all over the floor in total disinterest), and his sleeping habits (switching from a good, deep sleeper to a drop of a hat light sleeper, can't be transferred from my arms to his bed, must sleep with me or won't sleep at all). He started throwing things, hitting, scratching, and biting. He has, at last count, 7 bruises and two cuts on his head from his midnight tantrums.

This week Appa was gone...ALL week. Granted, Appa travels almost weekly, but he has been on a local project since we hit "the 2s," and when he does travel, he is only gone for a few days during the week, not on the weekends.

I am proud to say that Little Bug and I made it to school and work mostly on time. We enjoyed some fun activities in the evenings and this weekend. My house is no worse than it was last week. I only ate one bag of jelly beans and 3 Cadbury Eggs. I did very much enjoy being with my son.

But it's been HARD.

I cannot imagine being a single parent (although I understand that my 6 days without my husband is really not anything compared to raising a child alone). I know some single parents, and although I might have admired them before, I am in downright awe of them now. Not only was I physically and emotional drained every day (and it became progressively worse as the week wore on), but by yesterday, I found my patience with Little Bug was down to zero. I wasn't able to take anything on the cuff . Case in point, during a lunchtime time out, he sat and chanted "no, no, no" while waving his finger at me. Yeah, he didn't learn that from Classical Baby....

Little Bug was in rare form these last few days, so I think even if Appa had been around, I still would have had to dig deep for the patience to get through it, but it makes me feel bad that I don't think I was as patient as I should have been with him this weekend. Sometimes when he would look at me with his mournful eyes after being scolded I just imagined him thinking "why don't you love me anymore, Mama?"

Oh, baby. I do love you. I just need to get better about showing it in the moments right after your throw our cordless phone at our big screen TV because I put up a baby gate or rip the hide out of your drum because I closed the blinds.

Appa is home now. He is going to take us out to dinner (doesn't know this yet) and give me a nice long massage. Tonight, when our kid's head starts spinning at approximately 1 am, he can deal with that, too.

I like it when it's just the three of us!

E [TBD] [TBD] [TBD] M

Dear Little Bro,

Yesterday Appa and I settled on your name. We hope you like it.

It wasn't my first choice, but your wise Aunt Ali(ce) reminded me that in the long run I'll truly love the name not because it was an homage to my favorite author or trendy (like the name I was fighting for), but because it is your name. Just settling on the name makes me like it even more because now it is you.

We've taken care of the cornerstone pieces of your name; we cannot wait to find out what the middle portion will be!

"Hi, Doctor."

This morning Little Bug was having a serious meltdown. Serious. Real tears, thrashing, trying to gag himself to throw up (I don't know where he learned that trick, and thankfully has hasn't been able to pull the trigger, but COME ON!), etc.

The reason? I was trying to put on his clothes. You know, the type of injustice tantrums were made for.

So at one particularly violent part of this tantrum, I took his face firmly in my hands and turned it so we could make eye contact and I could let him know that I was kind of over this.

The blood gushing out his nose stopped that train of thought. Lots of bright red blood coming out of one nostril. Oh, God.

I'm really lucky that for as clumsy and uncoordinated as my sweet boy is, he rarely bleeds. Unfortunately, that means when I do see blood, this first-time mama sort of internally freaks out. It took me about 3 minutes to get the blood to stop and get him settled with some Thomas the Train (which he has never been interested in before, in part because I try to shield him from it because I find it incredibly creepy). It took me another 5 minutes before he would let me get near his face to wash the dried blood off. I figured his school would appreciate that one. PS: totally late for work at this point.

The whole time I'm thinking through the possible reasons for this nosebleed. Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? Blunt Trauma? Dry air? Picking his nose? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage? His cold? Random luck? Cancer? Brain hemorrhage?

Seth is a head banger when he tantrums, so I'm a little oversensitive about his head, which I think is why I kept worrying that this was somehow a manifestation of one-too-many whacks on the hardwood floor. Appa, who was not available this morning, is usually so calm and logical, but when it comes to Little Bug, he is as over vigilant as I am. So of course he was concerned when I called him and strongly suggested I take Little Bug to the doctor.

"Hi, Doctor. My son had a nose bleed this morning. It stopped. It's just a single instance. He has a cold, and I forgot to turn on his humidifier last night. Clearly he has cancer or a brain hemorrhage, don't you agree?"

I'll bet the doctor actually hears that a couple times a week. I'm going to call the doctor when the office opens, and I will bet you his nurse will tell me in the kindest terms possible to chill the heck out and remember to turn on the humidifier tonight.