Daily Dose of Mama: Rainbows and Race Cars

Monday, October 1, 2012

Rainbows and Race Cars

One of my fondest dreams is to prance through the girl's section at T@rget filling my cart full of leggings and skirts and Easter dresses with big bows. I imagine clutching "Snow White"'s hand as we take her to the Magic Kingdom for the first time. Ribbons, lace, princesses, sparkles, pink.....I have always wanted a daughter.

Except for last week, when I realized I really didn't.

I realized I wanted a daughter like I wanted a fire place or a master bathroom. A fun and delightful dream, but definitely something I could live happily without. As cruel as that sounds, when faced with the ultimate decision, my desire for a daughter was superficial to my real desire.

A third child.

And when it became clear to me that I wanted my two sons to have a third sibling closer in age to them no matter what section of T@arget I needed to shop in, the world opened up a most wonderful not-surprise surprise.

A son.

I have a 2 year old son half a world away. He's just 14 months younger than Little Bro. He'll be 3 by the time I can kiss his sweet heart-shaped lips and hear the laughter that accompanies his most killer grin.

He's perfection, and my heart is bursting with joy.

My dreams are now filled with color coordinated holiday sweaters, fire truck tennis shoes, and World Series champion baseball caps (okay, that last one might really be a dream). I imagine my sons always having someone on their side, always having someone to play with, always having someone to protect and be protected by. The more I imagine having three boys, the more I am surprised at how I never realized before how much I would love that. Because this is it for us. A 4:1 ratio. I'm so so so looking forward to it.

I might not have gotten pink glitter, but I got my rainbows.

4 comments:

Michelle and StefanOctober 2, 2012 at 4:14 PM
I have the same thoughts Cori. I always wanted one boy and one girl. I came to terms with possibly never having a girl when we rec'd Michael's referral. There was mourning there. When I worked through that, I realized, I LOVE being the Mom to boys. Now, as we look and imagine and test out the idea of a third child, I can really say that right now, I would prefer to be the mom of 3 boys.
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ChristineOctober 2, 2012 at 8:43 PM
I'm tearing up right now--I'm so very happy that you've got your rainbows. Somehow three boys just seems like it was meant to be for your family. Looking forward to all the special milestones and homecoming of your sweet boy!
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Christine @ 12,450miles October 2, 2012 at 8:43 PM
This is a gorgeous, gorgeous post. You have such an amazing way with words! Congratulations on being the Mama to THREE BOYS!!! EEK!
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ShandaOctober 8, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Congratulations, Cori!! You have three very lucky boys!
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Thanks for your daily dose of you....

Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

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