Sweating the Small Stuff

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the mama who doesn't sweat the small stuff. In fact, not only do I sweat the small stuff, I sweat the potential small stuff, the imaginary small stuff, and the small stuff that could possible happen if the moons align is some rare cosmic way.

Being home has allowed me to focus on who I am as a mother, and the fact is, I don't super love her. Technically speaking, I'm fine. But I have realized that I'm simply not a very fun mom (I'll pause here for everyone who knows me to silently cheer that the message has sunk in).

Hello, my name is Cori, and I am a helicopter, overly strict and rigid mother.

I don't think I was raised in an overly anal and controlling home, so I think this is all my construction. Part of it is my typical first-born, bossy, anxious personality. And part of it is honestly because when Little Bug came home and made me a mama, he NEEDED a helicopter mama to help him move and play and eat and function. That mama role is something we all just got used to.

Enter Little Bro, who does not need, nor appreciates, a helicopter mama with a penchant for saying "ahn dweh," and a more able-bodied and mature Little Bug who need the cord cut with his mama. Spending the last month at home focusing 100% on being a mama has helped me see that many of my knee-jerk words, tones, and decisions don't have any reasoning behind them, other than the dreaded "because I said so," not that either son has questioned me about it yet (verbally, of course).

So I have slowly been trying to slow down and let the small stuff go, the stuff that doesn't hurt anything. I'm trying to mentally reason with myself before telling my children "no" because I am often finding no reason to not let them go for it.

Case in point, today as I was getting ready for the day, Little Bro started playing in a tub of bathroom items we hadn't yet put away after our bathroom remodel. My first inclination was to stop him, but then I reasoned that I was the one who had left it out. If I don't want my small child playing with it, I should move it, which I did not intend to do. Second, was there a reason he could't bang my nail polish against a soft plastic container or examine a tampon? No. What seemed unnecessary to me wasn't actually a deal breaker. So as grating as it was for me, I let him continue to explore. He kept looking at me with this little grin, as if he was waiting for the redirection. And that made me feel like a schmuck that my child, who had only been home a month, already has me pegged as a stick in the mud.

Anyway, the experiment has continued. I have been letting the boys do things that I normally wouldn't, just to give myself some exposure therapy and practice not sweating thus small stuff. Consequently Little Bro got to steer the cart all over T@rget and open and play to his heart's content with a package of birthday candles (at home, not at the store....I'll never be that mom). Little Bug jumped in puddles and got his coat all wet and had a couple illicit minutes playing with toys in an empty room at school he always tries to drag me into. Both boys have managed to get some good cluncks on the piano during music class and get a good distance away at the park. They even got to dump sand all over each others' heads.

This probably sounds ridiculous, but honestly, it's really hard for me not to hover over the boys and let them explore unapproved areas. But I want my kids to be curious and free-spirited and feel comfortable moving away from mama. I want to be that mom who is usually good for a "sure" when a crazy idea comes up, and I want to be that mom who has a reason for her "no". My kids, Little Bug because of his developmental stage and Little Bro because of his outrageous hatred of not getting his way, both need more structure than is right for some families, but at least now they are free to play with birthday candles, tampons, and sand.

Because seriously, if that isn't a recipe for a charmed childhood, I don't know what is.