Daily Dose of Mama: The Happiest Place on Earth

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Happiest Place on Earth

Leave it to the happiest place on earth to make me a bit blue.

I've been doing well/fine/whatever with the expected, but ridiculous, hold ups in our process with Little Moon's adoption paperwork, and I still am. (Low expectations and a pessimistic timeline, people, that is my secret sauce of adoption sanity.) But watching Little Bug and Little Bro literally float on a happy high through the land of the Mouse today and knowing we have a full week of magic ahead of us, I've found myself thinking of Little Moon over and over. Missing him, wishing he was here, imagining what it would be like to have three little boys sprinting toward the transportation boat like it was the greatest ride in the history of the world.

I did the same thing, to a lesser extent, the last time we were here. We were waiting for Little Bro and I had this sense of guilt that we hadn't waited for him to come. I made him an entire care package of Disney items, including a shirt he still fits in and will be wearing back to its mouseland tomorrow. There is a part of me that feels like I'm making some wrong right by bringing Little Bro here and letting him have his fun.

But my Little Moon, his absence is something I am feeling more acutely than I ever have before. I want him to be able to be here with us, experiencing things with wonder and magic. I know he is in great hands right now, but here and now, I want him in MY hands. So I'll scour the parks for just the right things to send to him, tangible proof that he was with us in spirit and a promise that one day we'll bring him here to experience it with us.

Hopefully just in enough years that I won't have to find a triple stroller set up....

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Everyday Mama

I'm a 32-year-old everyday mama. My husband (Appa) and I adopted our first son Little Bug (at 10 months old) from Korea in September 2008. We adopted our second son, Little Bro, from Korea in April 2011 at age 21 months. We adopted our third son,Little Moon, at age 3 in November 2013. I've wanted to be a mama for a long time, but I'm still trying to figure out the reality of it all and take time to enjoy the delicate beauty of the highs and the lows.

I worked full time as an editor, which I loved; but I made the bittersweet decision to stay home with my children after Little Bro came home. I'm now clumsily finding my footing in a new world of housekeeping, menu planning, budgeting, cooking, cleaning, and rainy-day activities, as well as navigating the world of IEPs, parent advocacy, and special needs education (spoiler: I suck at house work). My husband is hot and smart and quiet and loyal, and I think (know) my sons are the cutest, happiest little boys in the world.

I also struggle at times with mild depression, anxiety, post-adoption depression, my husband's constant absence due to his stressful and super time-consuming job, the challenges of helping my older son with his sometimes exhausting special needs, and our transition to a family of three little boys with just 19 and 14 months between them. I worry way too much about what people think of me, hate talking on the phone, and I am trying to trust myself more.

Oh yeah, I'm unable to give birth to children; love books, writing, traveling, and the color brown; hate to clean, cook, craft, or do laundry; allergic to pretty much everything but food (thank God); and think camping in anything but a tent is lame.

I needed somewhere to drop my daily mama thoughts and musings on toddler poop to avoid massive clutter and ramblings on our private family blog. Writing it down on paper is so '90s.

This is my everyday "blournal" as I navigate through my life as a first-time (or is it third-time now?) mama and long-time me. So....hi.

You can contact me at daily.dose.of.mama (at) gmail.com.

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

As an editor, I deal with people on a regular basis who think images or content on the internet (whether it does or does not have a copyright designation) are "fair use." Your lesson for the day is that anything someone writes or creates that is published on the internet is copyright protected, whether he or she spells it out or not. Although I doubt anyone wants to steal my riveting posts on toddler poop, it doesn't hurt to educate the world about the wonderful magic of online copyright law.