Esse Quam Videri

Lately I have been feeling like a bit of a fraud. Little Bug's behavior is getting more and more uncontrollable and impulsive, and we have started the process of making some big changes in his therapy, which has required me to take off the rose-colored glasses I wasn't aware that I was wearing. Little Bro is simply settling nicely into his rightful terrible twos, but his passionate nature have made him a perfect storm of noise and button pushing and mischief.

Oh, and my power went out after some giant big storms.....again.

So while people comment to me about how patient I am or well I do as a stay-at-home mom while my husband travels the majority if every week, the fact is, I put on a good show for people (most people, that is). But at home, when no one is around except the ones who matter most, I am lounder, shorter, less flexible and patient, and often less happy.

But what I recently realized is that it doesn't need to be that way. Clearly when others are around I can act more like the mom I want to be like, so why can't I do that without an audience?

I can. I just chose not to.

So this is my new mantra that I have been chanting this week: Esse Quam Videri (To be rather than to seem). I want to actually be more consistently the mom I seem like I am...I want to BE her.

And it has helped. Not 100%, but I do find myself chanting it in my head in that split second before I formulate a reaction to Little Bro throwing a cup of milk or Little Bug taking off his shoe and throwing it at my head in the car before melting down in a sadly now predictable cycle. More and more, I am responding how I would if someone was sitting next to me...other than my precious babies, of course. And that is progress!

My other recently acquired mantra is something I read off my new "Mommy's time out" wine glass, so I've got the post-bedtime covered, too.